My 3-Year Moneyless Journey In Review

It has been almost three years since I started the Stop Shopping Challenge, and since I started this blog. Also, with my PhD almost coming to an end, I feel that this is a perfect time for review.

Granted, I have not lived 100% moneyless for the entire time (only for about 2.5 years with some breaks in between), and I have not lived solely off of nature (without any help from others) for more than a few days. For example, I have still used tap water for most of the time and (public) internet connections. This is why I prefer to define the journey as a 'rewilding' experience. But what's in the name, right? For me it is the experience that counts.

The experience was about letting go of the attachment to money. The way I chose to do this was to find ways to live 100% without bills and without spending money (with just a few exceptions).  Because living moneyless took the focus off of money, it allowed me to reconnect to everything that brings real, tangible value to my life: friendships (with humans and other animals), food, nature, meditation, etc.

We all grow up with and get used to the idea that money is what gives us access to everything we need. Over the years, we start to (unconsciously) desire money and we forget our true desires. In exchange for choosing money over everything else, we lose our connection with everything that has real, inherent value. Nature, love, friendships, time (being present). It becomes an unconscious fixation and obsession for most of us that gets connected to everything we do. We start living more in the future rather than in the now; always working for a better life somewhere down the track.

We don't realize how deep this (dis-)connection goes until we start letting go of it. We long for money because we think it buys us what we really need and desire, but in fact it is a sham. Money has no value and chasing empty goals can only bring misery in the end. When we let go of this illusion, we can see clearly once again.

Here are some of the things that my moneyless journey has helped me do.

Being mindful and observant
I see more because I was not part of the system for a while. This new way of life has given me a new perspective for looking at the world. It is easier to observe the forest when you are not walking through it. It is easier to see the water when you are not submerged in it. And similarly, it is easier to observe society when you step back and cease to participate in it for a while.

Living in the moment
Without the fear of losing a job or the pressure of having to make money to survive (knowing I can always count on nature), it is far easier to relax and enjoy the moment. Stress is a thing of the past when we can live the way nature intended: without worries about the future, in the abundance of what nature provides, flowing with the seasons. I have also learned to have more patience and to accept (or love) things as they are, which is easy to do once you see that nothing is static but rather in a constant state of change... no matter how slow. I have learned to trust life and to believe in miracles. I know everything that needs to happen will happen in due time. This doesn't mean I have become complacent. I have learned to step up to the plate when I am able to do something to help another being without causing harm. And when it is clearly not up to me, then I have learned to let go without losing sight of what part I could help with. When I feel a strong need for change, I won't assume it is beyond my control without trying first. Thinking outside the box encourages me find new ways to help.

Appreciating what I have
Gratitude is something that developed within me naturally on this journey. In my experience, money often brings a sense of entitlement, and it can result in people taking things (as well as each other) for granted. When you live in closer contact with nature and observe keenly, you realize that while everything is given freely, you are not entitled to anything and nature doesn't owe you anything. Neither do other people. Therefore everything is grace, and while I remain conscious of this I don't take anything for granted. Habit can make people unconscious, and that is when we stop appreciating things and other beings. When we get too comfortable, habit slips in. And habit destroys our consciousness. Don't let your comforts lull you to sleep.

Building character
One of the biggest benefits of this journey was that it helped me to be the best version of myself. It inspired me to look within constantly, and to look at the way I relate to other people. It inspired me to have high standards of myself in my relationships with other people, because this way of life connects me to people in a different way. This lifestyle clearly demonstrates our interdependence - with each other as well as with other species - and it motivates me to be at my best and to help others whenever I can. Also, working on myself, exploring the boundless depths of my being and uncovering all that I am is the best way I can contribute to a better world.

Currently, I am still living mostly moneyless, living mainly off of food from supermarket dumpsters, supplemented with foraged and homegrown foods. I still dive at least two times a week, and preferably daily. I still marvel at the waste of society and will never forget what I have come to understand about society and money. However, at the same time moneyless living is no longer a compulsive goal for me at this time. This doesn't mean I will give it up in the near future, even though perhaps I may become less rigid about it for a while.

Having said that, I am still aiming to set up a sustainable, self-sufficient home base somewhere. I have no desire to be part of a system that doesn't serve me (nor other people, other species or nature). I will not give up the consciousness and awareness I gained through this experience. I will stay present and remain aware and observant. I will keep my eyes open to the truth, and see what is happening around me, beyond how it is presented to us by the media or people in power who have a vested interest in certain perspectives being pushed onto the public. I will keep questioning everything so that I can keep living my own truth, and not anyone else's.

Thanks to Dörte Giebel for this picture :)

(You may also enjoy reading The Moneyless Mindset vs. the Exchange Mindset: What moneyless living has taught me)

Is Life Too Loud?

For the past few weeks I have been traveling around the south-western United States, visiting all kinds of places on my way. I gravitate towards wilderness and quiet places, but my travels have also brought me in cities and other places I normally try to stay away from. After traveling from a big city to a cabin in the mountains, I realized how most people really spend most of their lives in the extreme loudness and noise of 'civilization', and how damaging this is to our mental and physical health. I don't know how those of us who live in cities manage to survive, and perhaps we hardly can.

The buzzing of computers and cars, the ticking of clocks, music playing on the radio and in most public places, people talking, mobile phones, and the list goes on.

We think we get used to the noise, and perhaps to some degree we do, but only by blocking off some of the noise that comes in. For most of us that means we shut part of ourselves off in order to escape the busy-ness that is going on all around us, most of the time. And in that process, a lot more gets lost and blocked off than just the excess noise.

The moment you realize this is when you find yourself in a peaceful place, where all you can hear is the chirping of birds and insects, and the occasional rustling of leaves. The mind may protest for a while and continue the rush of anxiety and stress that has often consequently taken over our systems. Some people have gotten so used to the noise and this constant state of almost-panic that they fear the silence, because in that silence they can suddenly hear their loud mind, which has become louder and louder over time in order to be heard and in order to function in the overwhelming, purpose-packed world of effectiveness we have created.

The good news is that we can find peace of mind again by immersing ourselves in nature. Spend some time in the wilderness and allow yourself to do nothing for a while; for as long as you need to. It is so important that we take the time to do this. It is the busy, noisy minds that want to swallow up, categorize and manage the wilderness, filling it up with purpose and efficiency, making it a part of our Loudness and Noisiness while drowning out the cries of the earth, each other and ourselves. But wilderness has its own purpose, that is far more valuable than anything we could create in that space. Space has value. It restores our inner balance. It helps keep our hearts and minds open. It keeps us sensitive to others' needs, including our precious earth. It gives us a direct opportunity to experience peace of mind, and once you know what it is and what it feels like, it is so much easier to integrate that into the rest of our lives.

I am so grateful for wilderness and places that have not been swallowed up by humanity yet, and I hope we can keep (and even expand) those places. These are the places of healing where people and other animals can meet soul-to-soul to restore and replenish their being. Where we can remind ourselves what it feels like to just 'be' instead of being somebody who has so many tasks and things that have to be done.

You may find yourself (almost) deafened by the noise of this world, or you may no longer feel the effects of the system on your mind and body. Whatever may be the case, make sure you take the time to go into the wild regularly, not as another task that has to be completed, but to reconnect with the flow of nature instead of the pace of mankind. Our lives and the survival of our species depends on it.

Happy Birthday, Mum!

Today it is my mum's birthday! Two months ago while I was writing a post about my dad for his birthday, I felt inspired to also write one for my mum. And luckily I did not have to wait long to post it!

Below are some things that my mum taught me. My mum and I share more differences than me and my dad, but I am getting to a point where I realize I have more in common with her than I previously thought, and many of those things I have been taking for granted, because at first glance they may not seem 'spectacular', 'bold' or 'extraordinary'. Most of us don't appreciate subtleties and intricacies anymore. 

However, the following points have proven to be important building blocks for me to become the person I am today and I am often reminded of them as I go about my life.

Treasure and respect nature
Throughout my life, mum taught me a lot about nature. We went berry picking, picking mushrooms and went for long walks in the park, marveling at all the different creatures, big and small, plants and trees. I learned to treat all beings like they matter, because they do. And not just outside the house, but also inside. She taught me how to catch creatures that had gone astray with respect and care by trapping them in a glass with a piece of paper covering it, and then leading them outside. That is how I still catch spiders, beetles and flies in my house (and even mosquitoes nowadays, which used to be the only exception). Mum taught me to see how we are all a part of the web of Life and that purposely killing a creature without provocation is always unnecessary.

Appreciate the little things
Mum has taught me awareness of many things that most people (including me) tend to take for granted most of the time. Mum often points out her gratitude for the air we breathe, the flowers, the trees around us, and all the wonderful beings we share the earth with. I have always been a big-picture-kind-of-person, so for me it is easy to forget about things that are always there. And nowadays I find myself more and more noticing the things my mum consistently and often pointed out to me while I was consistently overlooking them as I was growing up.

Hospitality
My mum offered her couch to travelers from near and far long before it became fashionable. I often had friends over that I met while exploring the globe and she always welcomed them with open arms. She loves learning about different cultures and is always eager to host people from anywhere to exchange views and experiences. We literally had visitors from each of the (habitable) continents on earth.

If you can help someone in need, help them
When I was about 17, I met a boy who soon after became homeless. He had no family to help him, a big debt and no job (and no hope of being considered for a job). He was recovering from an accident at work, and got zero support from the previous employer, nor the government. Then he lost his home – I think it was because the person he was living with disappeared. Once you lose your home, it is very difficult to get your life back on track (at least in the Netherlands). It is impossible to keep a bank account, because you don’t have an address. Without an address and bank account, you also can't get a job, nor receive any unemployment benefits. Once you no longer work in our society, you get discarded and treated like you don’t exist. You don't get health insurance either, because you need to pay for that in the Netherlands. And you can’t pay for it if you don’t have income (or a bank account). However, the government can fine you at any time for not being insured, because it is mandatory for all citizens.
He came over e to meet my parents and my mum adopted him as her own son from the moment she met him. She said he could stay with us and he ended up staying for a long time, much longer than I personally wanted, because he had a lot of problems which caused a lot of tensions in our house. Mum guided him through all of the red tape and bureaucracy of getting his finances back in order, getting him a bank account, getting him welfare and finally also helping him find a place of his own. It took about eight months. All the time my mum was always understanding, stuck up for him when he was having angry outbursts towards the system and helped us to try and see the world through his eyes - even for a moment. 

 I am pleased to say that my adopted brother is doing well and still part of the family, visiting my parents at least once a week. He has become somewhat of an expert with technical appliances, and often helps my parents out if they are having trouble with their phones or computer.
I was amazed though that it was so difficult for a person to get back into the system once they were out. It was my first experience of seeing how the state really has no interest in its citizens, only in the profit that is being generated. It made me realize how silly the system is, and how lives really don’t matter in that system. We are just a number, a spoke on a wheel. Our needs don’t matter, even our most basic ones. As soon as we need support - the support we pay for through taxes and by being a member of society - that support we believe exists is not given. And since we have been discarded from society, we lose our voice. No one will hear your cries and you will be left to die. People will walk past you as you lay crying in the curb, but most people will just think you are crazy and worthless - and leave you to die as well. Not my mum though. My mum will not give up on you. When she was 15 she also helped a friend to get back on her feet by offering her to live with her in her room for a couple of months (with the support of her mum), and another time when she was 18 with another friend. They are still good friends.


Coloring outside the lines: it’s okay to stand out
My mum is an artist. She creates her artworks from the heart and lets them flow from her personal experiences. Personal experience is never generalized. To have interesting ideas, it helps to have an interesting life. And to stand out, it is important to question the very fundamentals of society that most people blindly accept as the norm. Standing out may make you a target for criticism, but it also gets you seen and heard. If the message is worth it, then don’t be afraid to stand out and make yourself heard. It is not about you anyway: it is about the message.
Here are some of my mum’s beautiful works (and the catalogue of her most recent work can be found here):

Anti-waste mentality
Mum definitely knows who to save money, and my moneyless challenge was partly inspired by her. She hardly buys anything for herself and is very creative with what she has. She gives most of what she has to others. She also knows a lot about expiry dates and so I often turn to her for advice on the things I find. Following her guidelines, I have never been sick from dumpster food. I think I would never have had the courage to eat some of the things I found while diving if it wasn't for her reassurance. 

Patience and seeing the value of experiences
While me and my sister were growing up, mum had a lot of patience with us so that we could learn about life and explore and grow (even when things were challenging and not going particularly smoothly, because my sister and I are very different and had a lot of fights). We had real childhoods and spent a lot of time outdoors. We often came back with dirty or muddy clothes, sometimes with animals we found and often with interesting friends. My main friends as a young child were the ducks that lived in the nearby park. They stayed clear of most people but they came to me for cuddles and we spent a lot of time together. Some of them moved into our garden and practically lived there. Once one of them accidentally got trapped in the house. The whole house was full of duck-poo when we got back home.

I am extremely grateful for the childhood I have had, growing up in harmony with nature and learning about the value of Life. I am grateful that I got so much freedom and unconditional love growing up, and that I got to learn to make up my own mind. This has certainly helped me to choose an unconventional path in life. To me there is just no better feeling than knowing you are a part of Life, in all its facets, and having the freedom to follow your heart.

May all of us be able to find a way to create this for ourselves. <3

From 'Moneyless Living' To 'Rewilding'

Lately I have noticed that I have started to cross the fine line between having guiding principles in the service of learning about a new way of life, and having rules and dogma. The aims for moneyless living and caring for the environment have slowly progressed from being an ideal I live out, to something I put on myself rigidly and sternly. Here is how to tell the difference, why it is harmful and how we can prevent it from happening.

Rules versus guidelines
The crossing of this line becomes apparent when we start saying things like: "I will NEVER do this or that again". You cannot know what you will do, and saying things like this limits personal freedom and prevents you from doing what's right for you in the moment. It takes you out of presence and into a future that doesn't exist. Examples are: "I will never use money ever again". I have said this, although I can't know what I will do in the future; I only know what my intentions are right now. I also found there is a lot of disagreement between what people consider "using money" and "living without money". It all depends on one's definition. Of course I know what I mean by it, but it is hard to convey to others without getting wordy (after all, it involves an entire mindset). In trying to explain it, the message usually gets lost.
People often end up disagreeing with some parts of my 'moneyless' definition: For example, they argue I am still using electricity, water and internet that was paid for. I am still receiving a salary (even though I am not using it). I am still using products that required production and that have been paid for (such as my laptop from uni). And I am still using roads and other public services. To them it doesn't matter that contribution can take another form than the standard financial form. It doesn't seem to count.
To make matters worse, I am planning some trips (before I start the nomadic journey) that will be financed through my PhD travel budget. Does that mean I will be using money? Probably, yes, at least indirectly. But to me the answer to this question doesn't really matter, because living without money is not (and has never been) the end goal; it is just something that helps me to get in touch with my true goal (presence and awareness) on a daily basis. And that is all that matters. However, lately (after a series of negative comments on various Facebook pages and constantly getting the same questions about this lifestyle) I have allowed myself to get drawn into explaining myself over and over (and over), which brought me closer to the realm of the 'rules' mentality.
I find myself thinking about "money" more often, and questioning whether I live entirely moneyless or not. And while reflection from time to time is really helpful and beneficial, preoccupation is not.




What's in the name?
When I gave up the use of money in my daily life, it was freeing because I no longer had to worry about money. I simply didn't have to think about it anymore. I still don't have to think about it, because I can survive just fine without it - no matter what happens. This is what appealed to me about this lifestyle. It freed up a lot of mental space to focus on other - more important - things. However, with all the comments I kept getting about what 'moneyless' means and what it is and is not to other people, I still got drawn into thinking about money all the time. Yet this is what I wanted to leave behind.
Some people have suggested the problem largely lies in the term that I use: moneyless. It keeps bringing money into the conversation simply because it is part of the description. I think they have a valid point. So I have thought about other terms that cover the journey I am on succinctly - preferably in just one word. I think the closest term that fits is 'rewilding': the process of getting back to nature and letting go of artificial rules and structures (including, but definitely not limited to, money). From now on I hope to remember to use this term more frequently instead.


What happens next?
Does this mean I am giving up living moneyless? No, probably not. Does it mean I will never use the term moneyless again? No, probably not that either. It has no real practical, outward implications; I am just no longer going to identify as a 'moneyless person'. Instead of labeling myself, it is enough for me to know what it means to me. I am also going to be less preoccupied and (mentally) radical with following some kind of ideal - I am not going to burden myself with rules and limitations. Life is about living, and freedom and peace of mind are my main priorities.
I am also not going to explain myself all the time and explain what "moneyless" means to me, as I have done way too much in the recent past when people kept telling me why my lifestyle was not 'moneyless enough' for them and why it should not be called that. Genuine questions can get a genuine answer, but comments are not questions. I am getting tired of explaining myself, mainly because it doesn't matter - it is not the essence of my journey at all. It is not important whether I use some things that others have paid for or not. The point is to become aware and to experience life from a new perspective: perhaps a more connected and pure way. Making it into a strict rule or dogma would defeat the entire purpose of the practice.

In reality, life has only one rule:  
There are no rules.

Life Outside The Comfort Zone

I have noticed that I am my happiest self when I am not stuck in routines, so usually after I have just made some (big) change in my life: moving to a new place (or a new country), trying out new activities, discovering new places on hikes, finding new (and more sustainable) ways to do things, working on the fields and planting onions or small plants (which I have been doing quite a bit lately), foraging and learning about plants, creating new recipes, and so on. Anything that breaks my usual routines and enriches my life in a new way makes me a happier person.

Why is that?

I think it is because it helps me stay present. This is also why the nomadic life appeals to me so much and why I regularly like to change surroundings and try out new things. It brings me into a state of mind where everything seems new; a place of learning without limitations. I love living life from that place.

'Comfort zone' is a slightly misleading term though, because it implies that going outside the comfort zone is somehow uncomfortable. Yet this has not been my experience. Perhaps sometimes initially, but most often it has only been very rewarding. Staying stuck in your "comfort zone" on the other hand, is mostly very uncomfortable (even though you may not realize it until you get out of it), because you are going against your nature. Your nature is to flow with life; to change and evolve. The mind wants to grow and expand. It doesn't like staying stuck in one place for too long. Change doesn’t have to involve big outer changes though. It can take many different forms and different people prefer different types of changes. Change can happen in the types of activities we do, our surroundings, mental states, thought processes, the skills we practice, etcetera.

And yet, most people’s lives are boring and consist of the same pattern of clustered routines day after day, and week after week. And we seem to cling to these routines like it’s our only hope for survival. Perhaps because it is the only thing left that we know…. No wonder we are such an unhappy bunch and depression is rampant.

The importance of following your own voice
At times getting outside your comfort zone can get uncomfortable, but usually this is only the case when you go for something that somehow feels unnatural to you. This could happen when we do things for the wrong reasons (more for others instead of for ourselves), for example if we let ourselves get dragged into things that we don’t really want to do by well-meaning friends or relatives.

There is a fine line between going outside your comfort zone and doing things that we are not entirely ready to do at that moment, or that are simply unnatural. Going against your nature is highly uncomfortable and has no rewards in terms of personal development other than discovering that it is probably something you never want to do again. And that could prevent you from staying in the flow of discovering new things and trying out exciting stuff. So it could even contribute to you getting stuck in a rut, or get you stuck even further. So it is important to follow your own voice at all times, even though this does not rule out that you might need a little push from others from time to time, or inspiration to know what is possible and what options are available to you (because sometimes we simply don’t realize that there is another way, or we don’t know how or where to start). But you will know when you need this input from others too. Also, no one but you knows what is within the ‘comfort zone’ to you and what is not. It consists of different things for different people (and it changes with time).

Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between natural and unnatural ways to break routines, but there are some signs that let us know when we are about to cross that line. For example, when we consider doing something that is not in line with - or even opposed to - our values or priorities in life. Then what is the point? However, if something is in line with your values and you are not doing it - because fear or other uncomfortable emotions are holding you back (or if you are already doing something even though it is not in line with your values), then perhaps it is a good idea to test the waters a bit and break those habits.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you tell the difference:
1. Is this something I want to do? Is this something I really want to experience? (You don’t need to know why; sometimes there is no why and searching for it can keep you from taking action).
2. Would I do it in a world without fear?
3. Is it something that is in line with my values and what I believe in? Is it important to me?
4. (Optional, but it may provide extra motivation) Is there something really valuable I can learn from doing this?

For me, traveling has all those qualities, which is why I enjoy it so much: it keeps me from getting too stuck in my "comfort zone" (or perhaps 'habitual zone' would be a more suitable term). It allows me to explore, expand and see the world through different perspectives. It encourages me to be creative. Also, doing things differently and challenging myself (such as the Moneyless Challenge) has helped me to practice living outside the comfort zone.

Here are some things you can do regularly to avoid getting stuck in a boring life:

1. Step out of routines
Routines are a survival mechanism for boredom. Autopilot helps us to manage when our brains are overstimulated. It is supposed to be a state used for emergencies; not as a general state of being. On top of that, living a life of routines makes us VERY tired (have you noticed that?): it drains ALL our energy, so even if we wanted to change, this makes it very difficult and becomes another obstacle on our journey for change. The risk of exhaustion (and burnout) is yet another reason why breaking up with routines (one by one) is a great idea.
Also, routines create habits. And habits can be beneficial or not.  If you have no habits or keep breaking them, then you have no bad habits either and you can decide in each moment what feels right. Habits and autopilot also stop you from asking questions. It can lead to people taking things for granted and it can rob you from awareness. For example, it can lead you to forget how uninteresting your life has become, so that you don't have to make any changes.

2. Question everything
Just like behavior becomes habitual, thought processes do also. Investigate automatic judgments. Is it really true? Do some research. Investigate the way you do things. Is it the only way, or are there other ways? Try to put some variety in the way you do things, so that you don't get stuck into rigid patterns or routines. Question your fears and other emotions. Emotions will pass. Do not let them get in the way of new experiences! Of course it is always good to be sensible, but it is never sensible to jump to conclusions (like: It’s not possible. I can’t do this. There’s no other way. It’s too difficult. It’s dangerous; and so on). Also, life as it is, is dangerous and none of us will get out alive. Don't let this stop you from living life to the fullest! Life without (ad)ventures is like champagne without bubbles.

3. Be open to new experiences
Try out new things. Seek them out. Keep an open mind, because you never know what life might bring you, and this is good news! So always be on the look-out for something good coming your way. Because there is always something good on the way (even though it doesn't always seem like it).

4. Feel the fear and do it anyway
Courage is not about the absence of fear. It is about overcoming it. Letting it be there without letting it get in your way. And after a while it will just be background noise. It won’t bother you anymore.
There is even a book with this title and apparently it is very good (so I’ve heard).

Getting outside your comfort zone (= habitually getting out of habits, habitual thinking and routines) can get you to a space outside what you know and believe. It is a space of wonder and a place of learning, with the freedom of not-knowing. It is an open space, with no place to hide.  This may sound very special, and it is, but it is also easy. It doesn’t have to involve anything spectacular.
Here are some ideas of how to get out of your comfort zone, or break your routines:

* Go hitchhiking
* Sing karaoke
* Use couchsurfing - either as a host or as a guest
* Try out busking (and donate the money to a charity of your choice or to strangers on the street)
* Give Free Hugs
* Move abroad for a while
* Travel alone
* Volunteer
* Take a dancing class
* Dumpster dive
* Climb a mountain
* Learn horse riding
* Plant something: food or trees
* Go foraging

What routines do you need to break through to be a happier person?

Free Your Mind

What if people were taught to think for themselves instead of obeying others and following orders? What if we would trust our own inner guidance rather than blindly follow some stranger that happens to be recognized as a ‘leader’? What if every human being would go on their own quest for truth and wisdom before speaking out about any issue? What if we would listen to each other with respect and reason instead of fear and a determination to be right, so that we could really hear each other and learn from each other while keeping our minds and hearts open at all times? What if we would stop forcing others to think the way we were taught to think, and try to look at the world from someone else’s point of view, to see if perhaps it could start to make sense?

Un-free (=conditioned, or some might say 'brainwashed') thinking usually triggers discomfort. It feels uncomfortable, because it may not be true for you, even though you were taught to think this way. It can create inner and outer conflicts, because it doesn't make sense. To find out what is true for you, perhaps the following process may prove useful to you. It has helped me gain clarity on many occasions.

1. Find a quiet space, without any distractions.
Get away from noise. Get away from people, and others' opinions. Find a quiet place in nature, where you can freely reflect without getting disturbed, for as long as necessary. Switch off your phone. Connect with nature. Re-connect with yourself.
Connect with all species, with all beings. How do they live? Observe. Connect with the flow of life. Realize you are a part of it. Nothing is permanent. All is in motion. All is connected, all is relative. Nothing exists in a vacuum. If you fully understand one part of life, truly, then all other stuff starts to make more sense as well. Start simple; start with the earth. Start with nature.
In all of this, do not seek an answer. The answer will come naturally. However, if this process does not give you an answer (but it will with practice) then think about what your hero would do. What would Gandhi do, say, or think. What would Nelson Mandela do, what would the Dalai Lama do, what would Byron Katie do, what would your dog do, what would a child do before it was taught fear, what would [whoever you think is wise and pure in his/her mind and actions] do?

2. Question your beliefs.
a. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Everyone that is involved in the matter that you are contemplating, deserves your attention. The 'terrorist', the politician, the 'victim', the bystander. One by one.

b. Watch them with an open mind: Let go of the perception that they must be either ‘good’ or ‘bad’. There are no enemies and no victims; only fellow earthlings. Let go of any mental story you may have about them. Just visualize their face and look them in the eyes. What do you see? Look at the (human) being behind your assumptions, concepts and judgments.What are their hopes, dreams, fears, motivations, desires? Can you imagine where they came from; what kind of life they may have had? See in which ways you are like them. What do you have in common? Have you had similar beliefs, hopes and dreams? Again, stop yourself from looking at the image in your mind as either good or bad. Just observe. And know that even now these images still exist only in your mind. They can exist nowhere else.

c. Look yourself in the eye (use a mirror, or imagine it). What are you feeling and believing in this matter? What are your hopes and dreams? What are you doing to yourself through your mental projections? And can you let go of the story you tell yourself about them in your mind? Consider the opposite of what you are believing. Could this be as true?

d. Where do your beliefs come from? Take them back to the roots. Who taught you this? And do they still make sense?

3. Let go.
Disconnect (mentally) from your story about yourself and the situation, your reflections, your thoughts, your feelings and contemplations. Do not push them away, but simply disengage; stop feeding into them and interacting with them in your mind. Disconnect from all the answers you came up with in the previous step. Disconnect from what it may have taught you. There is nothing to learn and nothing to remember. All you need to know is already present. It is waiting for you. It will shine through automatically when you let go of the rest.
Disconnect from what you were taught when you were younger and how you were raised. Disconnect from morals and opinions (they are not yours anyway; and if they are they will remain). Only what is true for you will remain. It does not require any effort. Conditioning requires effort. It requires maintaining through repetition. It requires memorizing. If you let go of all you think you know, then what will remain is all you need to know.
Letting go may require some practice.

For more information about freeing your mind, I highly recommend The Work of Byron Katie. Katie has taught me so much and I owe much of my progress in life to her.

What It Takes To Live Moneyless

With this post I would like to debunk the myth that jobless or moneyless living equals lazy, or that it mostly involves sitting around all day and profiting from other people's hard work. I will outline here what it takes to live and maintain the moneyless lifestyle, so that you can check for yourself whether you could fit the bill.

Characteristics, qualities and skills required to live the moneyless lifestyle

I call it a lifestyle for a reason: to be successful living moneyless, you need to develop certain qualities. This is the main reason the experience has been so valuable to me; it has encouraged me to be the best version of myself that I can be, and I am still learning and evolving. No personal development course or training could ever have given me the skills and experience I gained so far from living this way. Here are some things I have found to be of paramount importance in this way of living:

1. Contribution (Unconditional giving)
Contribution is the cornerstone of the moneyless lifestyle. This means contributing in some way to anything beyond yourself (other people, animals, plants, the earth, etc). It helps if you also have a vision; some theme to work on that guides and shapes your actions. For me, it is the environment: supporting the earth and all of life on earth. I did not have a clear vision when I started my challenge, but I developed one quite quickly and naturally into the process, because my experiences broadened and refined my perspective on life. Living moneyless I experienced very clearly that none of us can live in a bubble: every being on earth depends on many other beings in some way.  This is why we need to collaborate and look after each other (not just humans, but all parts of the ecosystem). Life supporting life.
When you have a cause you support that goes beyond yourself, it also makes it easier for others to get to know you and understand what you are about, because you have a story that explains instantly who you are and what is important to you. You may even restore others' faith in humanity by sharing -and demonstrating- that you care about something other than just personal gain. The demonstrating part is obviously very important: actions speak louder than words.
After living moneyless for a while, you will notice that contribution starts to become second nature. It is no longer about getting something in return (like it is with money). Step by step you will move away from the exchange mindset. Exchange can be useful, but in many cases it tends to detract from the experience of giving and can make the receiver feel uncomfortable. Unconditionality also helps you to live in the moment and thus enjoy life more.
(Read more about my thoughts on contribution here.)

2. Being a reliable, trustworthy person
It doesn't matter how much fun you are to be around, or how much you give to other people on certain occasions: if you break promises for no good reason or miss appointments, then people are not going to want to collaborate with you. And collaboration is key to success with this way of life. So it is important that you do what you say and say what you do. I try to communicate as clearly and truthfully as possible and always stick to my word to the best of my ability.
Another aspect of being a reliable person is having principles (integrity). This requires being aware of all the consequences of what you do and having strong moral guidelines to steer your actions. Some of the most important guidelines I live by are: 1. Always support life/creation over death/destruction (on a global scale and across all species). 2. It is okay to harm the (societal) system, but never the individual. 3. Loyalty is the basis of friendship that is present at all times: not just when you need them and also in the person's absence.
When people say they trust me, or when I notice that an animal trusts me, to me that is the biggest compliment in the world. Trustworthiness, loyalty and integrity are not just a very important focus in my relationships with others, but also essential aspects I look for in other people. It is far more important than being beautiful, popular, rich, smart or anything else.

3. Being attentive/ Thoughtfulness
When you live moneyless, you will soon discover you have much more to give than you ever thought. This is why you will quickly learn to be more attentive to others' wants and needs. You will develop a natural interest in others and remember their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, wishes and desires. This is because giving is your new purpose.
If you know what people need, want and like, then you can give them exactly that when the opportunity presents itself. You can create ripples of joy and it won't cost you anything other than paying attention to what people say and do, and perhaps investing some time. Life is just much more worthwhile when you have others around you with whom to share your blessings.

4. Resourcefulness / Creativity
Along with a belief in yourself and a belief that it is possible for you to make your dreams come true, you need to develop your resourcefulness so that you can in fact make them happen. There is always a way; you just have to find it. You will not survive if you refuse to think outside the box. You won't even be able to get started. So question everything and try to think outside the norm at all times. It is a skill all of us can learn. Most of us rely too much on assumptions and presuppositions. There is so much more to explore!

5. Patience and perseverance
When making things happen, you also often need patience and perseverance. Things do not always work out instantly. It may take a couple of tries. When I was searching for my first free home, I sent out approximately 60-100 emails to homeowners before getting a positive response. Some things take time, so give it time. And over time you will learn to trust that all will work out, because it always does.
When things do not work out instantly, that also provides a wonderful opportunity for you to contemplate alternative ways to do things and thus practice resourcefulness. The best ideas usually appear in the quiet times when nothing seems to be happening. Brainstorming and thinking outside the box are just about sitting comfortably in the space of "not knowing". So having a way to make everything happen in an easy and straightforward way (e.g. money) actually robs us of the opportunity to practice resourcefulness and learn to think outside the box.

6. Gratitude
Gratitude is not really a requirement to live moneyless, but it is rather a natural consequence of moneyless living. This lifestyle teaches gratitude because you learn to take nothing for granted. Everything is given and yet you never know whether it will be there again tomorrow, or how or where it will show up. Of course this is always the case in life, but it is easier to forget when you use money on a daily basis, because it gives us the illusion of security, stability, continuity and control.
Gratitude is also a consequence of living life according to your highest principles and living life with integrity. You get the opportunity to give as much as you can (and you get a lot back in return, but that is just a bonus at that point). Life becomes a flow of give and take - not in the sense of exchange, but as a blended concept. It is impossible to live life without receiving and it is also impossible to live without giving. You can only shape the form it takes to some degree. So purposeful exchange  (especially involving money) seems pointless and artificial, as giving and receiving are essential elements of each moment of existence. It is what life is made of.

It is difficult to put all the changes and qualities you will develop into words because it is hard to understand for those who have not experienced it. But these changes will come naturally and automatically as you gradually change your perspective on life and stop relying on money.

Are you aware of all you are giving and all you are given in each moment?
I invite you to notice.

Are Our Comforts Killing The Planet?

Have we made our lives too comfortable? Is our desire to be comfortable the root cause of (most) environmental destruction?
When I moved to my new home, the tiny house, I had to give up some of the comforts I had grown used to, such as having instant access to running water and having a lot of space. This has shown me the direct link between comfort and unsustainable habits.

Wanting to be comfortable is a natural tendency for all living beings, including humans. We invent ways to make life simpler, easier, faster and in the process we want to ban out any pain or discomfort. But sometimes we seem to get lost while on this quest for comfort and convenience. We forget about the cost of these 'improvements'; not just to the environment, but also (paradoxically) to our own quality of life and well-being.

Convenience detaches
Convenience usually means that someone or something is doing our work for us. Because most of us work for other people all day in our jobs, we like to have someone else or something else do our work when we get home. So we have devices for entertainment, ovens and other equipment to cook our food, and machines doing our dishes and our laundry. But this detaches us from the task and puts us out of touch with reality, including the reality of the resources that are used. For example, do you know how much water a load of washing uses?
The average washing machine uses about 150 liters of water per load. In my tiny home I don’t have a washing machine nor in the nearby barn, and even though I have been offered the opportunity to do my laundry at the main farm house, I prefer to do it by hand, because it connects me to what I am doing and it helps me see what resources I put into it.
I put my clothes in warm to hot water (depending on what fabric it is) with a bit of soda, and I just let it soak for a while. Then I knead, swish and/or rub the fabrics together, wring them out and hang them out to dry.  It is quick and simple. Per tub I use 3 to 4 liters of water and for a comparable load in the washing machine this would add up to about 9-16 liters when washed by hand, compared to 150 liters in a washing machine. Now that is a big difference. And it doesn’t really take that much time either.
Another way is to put your clothes in a stream or river, so that the water does all the work for you. Just leave them in there for a couple of hours and they should be clean. Unfortunately this is not an option for me at the moment because it is still too cold, but I will definitely try this in summer.

I have noticed I use a lot less water for other things as well, because my tiny home is not connected to the water grid. So whenever I need water, I need to ‘leave the house’ and walk the cold and often slippery 15-meter path to the tap (in the nearby barn). Not too much trouble, but enough of a barrier to break my previous routine of mindless water consumption. I now have to think about when I need and use water. I have to plan it and have it ready. And wherever possible, I try to avoid going to the tap by exploring alternatives. For example, I often use snow to 'wash' my hands (or sometimes to rinse the dishes), or I use rainwater that collects in a bucket outside my door.

Convenience breeds habit
Convenience creates habits, and habits can make us slaves of routine and lull us into half-comas. Together with the detachment factor and our desire to hide away from pain instead of moving into it, we run the risk of losing our sense of aliveness and awareness. Pain and discomfort can teach us a lot. Also, simplifying your life and letting go of certain comforts and conveniences doesn't have to be uncomfortable. It can actually be fun and enjoyable. It can add spice to your life. If you find your daily chores boring or unpleasant, you may need to wonder what is missing in your life, because I am willing to bet it is not about the chores themselves. It just never is. Perhaps it is time to reconsider your day job.
I enjoy doing my laundry and washing my dishes. It is not uncomfortable or inconvenient, and I don't feel like I am missing anything at all. I would not want it any other way. And if I do feel the occasional discomfort, I question it. It helps me grow and expand. That is why it appears. If I were to run away from it, or find a way not to experience it, life would get dull, and I could get numb and lose my awareness of being in the process. I have been in that place before and never want to go back there. Some call it depression.

Comfort can hinder change
Being too comfortable can make you stagnant. Like water, you need to be in motion sometimes to be able to cleanse yourself and leave a positive impact on others and the world. Motion allows you to flow with life and adapt to the inevitable changes with ease and grace. Being too comfortable can lull you to sleep (if you are prone to that) and make you rigid, which can make it much more difficult to change and more difficult to see where you are and where you are heading in life. It can also make you lose sight of the big picture and the part you play.

So this is my solution for getting out of habits (and boring routines): avoid getting too comfortable by making things just a tiny bit more challenging for yourself in some way. Also look for ways to simplify your life. It will make your life more fun, help you to stay in the flow and make changes more easily (without getting stuck in apathy). It will also help you to practice creativity and discover new ways to do things (or rather to rediscover the old ways). It will help you stay connected and present. And this will help you come alive.

"To be awake is to be alive." -- Henry David Thoreau

Reclaim Your Health By Banning Stress

Stress is one of the biggest contributors to illness. It creates a constant strain in the body. You may eventually get used to the sensations of stress, but that doesn't make the effects less harmful. Especially over time, stress can lead to serious health problems.

Some people seem to think that it is impossible to ban stress from their lives. To them, stress is something that is just part of life and is naturally connected to certain life events. They implement 'stress management strategies' that make up for stressful times, and counteract or balance the effects of stressful life events. And while management of stress is very important, especially if you are in the middle of a struggle, it can also be sensible to look beyond this and ask yourself if it is possible to ban stress altogether.

If we just look at the way that different people respond to a potentially stressful situation, we can conclude that stress is not necessary at all. Stress is the result of a certain mindset that supports unhelpful thought- or behavioral patterns; it is something that is learned by a repeated sense of pressure, obligation and (self-)indoctrination. But since everyone is in charge of their own mind, each of us can also unlearn this stress-response by learning to recognize the 'causes' and unlearning the habitual structures that keep them in place.

So, what causes stress?

There are a few important habitual contributors (patterns) I would like to discuss here with some suggestions for how to overcome them. These observations come from personal experience with many 'potentially-stressful' life events, years of Mindfulness practice, working as a psychologist, and the regular practice of meditation and letting go. 

Causes of stress:

Identifying with (or repressing) emotions rather than letting them be
Whether it is anger, sadness, fear, jealousy, or any other negatively perceived emotion; if we allow the emotions to take over, then that could lead to a very stressful experience. It also paves the way for future stress, because you condition yourself to identify with your emotions. Repressing emotions is even worse and causes more damage because it has a cumulative effect.
Solution: See your emotions for what they are: Waves that come and go and nothing to be afraid of. Remind yourself that they will pass. Just let them stay for as long as they do without attaching to them (indulging in them) or repressing them.
If you need help with this, I can recommend the Sedona method or Vipassana meditation (learning to be the observer of your mind, with non-attachment and equanimity). Focusing practice can get you more in touch with feelings, if that seems difficult. And if there is a lot of built-up stress stored in the body already, then doing a body scan meditation regularly can be useful.

Habitually reacting to everything (usually impulsively) rather than giving yourself the space to deliberate and reflect
You don't always have to react to a situation instantly (or even at all), especially if you feel pressured to do so. This felt pressure often leads to a lack of clarity, so then it can be better to postpone your response. You may even decide not to react to something at all, even after deliberation, because it may simply not be worth your energy or time. Also, it helps to keep in mind that you never owe anyone an explanation. If you say 'no' to a request, then you don't need to apologize or even tell the person why you said no. And you always have the option to think about it first, rather than letting the pressure get to you and run the risk of reacting from a place of inauthenticity.
For example, if someone asks you to do something and you feel a huge resistance, it is a good idea to postpone your response, to let the feeling pass and then respond from a more balanced (and therefore more authentic) frame of mind. After all, you don't always have to react straight away. This way you can create space for yourself to follow your inner guide. This is especially useful if you have a tendency of wanting to please others, sometimes to your own detriment. If the person still insists on wanting an answer, then the answer will be 'no', because at that moment it does not feel right to you. So it is also in their best interest to give you space. And of course you always have the freedom to change your mind later. But if your response comes from an authentic place, then you won't have to.
So it is good to keep in mind that in addition to all the options you have to respond to a situation or to a person, you can also choose not to react to it, or at least give yourself time to respond. Vipassana meditation is perfect training to teach yourself this option and to experience the power that comes from non-reaction.

Moving away from control rather than staying within your power
That means: don't try to change others, such as their thinking or their behaviors. Always start with yourself. After all, you can always change yourself, and you have full control in that domain. And if you change yourself (thoughts, behavior, or attitude), then other people may change automatically (especially if you no longer need them to change). A lot of energy is lost for people who constantly worry/fantasize about what other people may want, how they feel about others, or how they can influence others in some way. And even more energy is wasted by planning future events, worrying about what may or may not happen, ruminating over the past, and chasing air (such as seeking love, happiness, security, or enlightenment; none of which can be found while in seeking mode).
So as soon as you notice yourself getting into battles of right and wrong with someone, or trying to force change upon others instead of inspire change, then you know that you have left your space of power. Byron Katie clarifies this point nicely: she distinguishes three kinds of business: your own, others' and the universe's business. So make sure you don't waste your time on any other type of business than your own. That is all you can do. And the less time you waste, the more energy you will have to do your part. You can focus all your attention on doing what matters. This is what will change lives. The ripples that come from this are the only thing that can change the world.
Non-attachment and feeling secure within yourself is key here. Stop seeking and be open to finding. You'll be amazed of what is already here and what comes to you without any effort if you stop chasing air and wasting time on external factors that drain your energy. One way to do this is by making freedom a priority. Choosing freedom for myself and others as a highest priority is one of the best decisions I ever made for my life.

Judging yourself and judging others rather than practicing acceptance
Judging yourself or others is a great way to stop connecting with someone on a soul-level and a great way to get yourself on the road to objectification and condemnation. If you find yourself being critical of others all the time, then it may be helpful to learn to let go of this in order to connect with others in a more fulfilling and meaningful way, which will eradicate the stress that comes along with it. Here are some guidelines:
1. Remind yourself that you may have misunderstood their intention. Also, moments and moods change if we don't hang on to them. So if you let go of what others said or did, it is also more likely that they shift their perspectives, because you keep them free of your labels, which can be just another obstacle they need to overcome before they feel they can change their mind. So give them space and give them time. Provide an atmosphere of acceptance without sacrificing yourself (=your own needs).
2. Try to see the world through their eyes. Imagine how difficult their life must be. See their struggle.
3. Remind yourself that they are doing the best they can, as you are.
4. Have compassion for yourself and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Know it will pass.
5. Postpone any outward response if you are triggered. Allow life to unfold before making judgments. You never know the full story and thus are in no position to judge.
6. Know that you are free to move on. You don't have to keep this person in your life if it doesn't feel right. Some people are just not a great match and they bring out the worst in each other. If you have observed that this is the case, then moving on is a graceful thing you can do that will be a gift to everyone involved.
7. And last but not least: don't take it personally. Everyone is fighting their own battle. It has very little to do with you, other than that you may be able to assist them in some way on their journey and they may be able to assist you.
The Work by Byron Katie can really help you dig deeper if you have a habit of judging others and if you want to cultivate compassion, and move back into your own power.

Should-ing yourself (and others) rather than prioritizing freedom
Another thing you can do to ban stress is to stop 'should'-ing. Shoulds often have a lot to do with the obligations we feel towards other people. This doesn't mean that you can no longer challenge yourself; it can be very fun and rewarding to do so. In fact for me, challenging myself is one of my core needs. It allows me to grow and explore. But it is always an expansive experience rather than a constricting one. It also has nothing to do with other people and doesn't require others to make any changes in their behavior towards me. So my challenges are a way to stretch myself beyond my perceived limits, rather than a rulebook of things I can no longer do or enjoy (or a rulebook of how others should behave around me).
Shoulds inhibit personal freedom. It makes you feel like you have no choice but to obey 'the rules'. Most countries have their own set of shoulds, and there are also some universal ones. This constricting effect on freedom is also a reason I am not a fan of social conventions, etiquette, certain traditions and (other) rules that restrict spontaneity. If followed too rigidly, they tend to take us out of presence, inhibit our natural flow, sincerity and openheartedness, make us self-conscious and just generally make everyone feel awkward and repressed. I am also not against these societal structures, but I prefer to see them as guidelines (coulds) rather than rules (shoulds).
You can let go of shoulds by deciding to, no longer caring what other people think of you for failing to conform and doing what you feel is right in each moment. If you are not a rebel by nature, it may help to take it step by step. To build a solid foundation for your practice, it can help to avoid all settings that are riddled with rules and expectations for a while, or any people, places or things that make you feel like you 'should' do things in a certain way. This can be friendships, the workplace, family gatherings, etc. Learning to break the rules (with consideration for others), will take you beyond the limits of social expectations and save you a lot of stress in the process.

Living in the past rather than celebrating the present
If you are obsessed with the past and find yourself thinking about it a lot, then it is impossible to stay present. And presence is key to overcoming the stressful mindset.
Solution: Make peace with your past. You can choose to let go and start afresh. Allow the things that happened to you to integrate and become part of you. Breathe into your experiences and see how they enriched you. If you feel violated by your experiences, see what steps you can take to step back into your power. It is still there. It is impossible to break a soul; it is untouchable.
If you need help letting go of the past, I recommend EMDR for traumatic experiences (things that happened in the past that you keep thinking about on a regular basis and associate with negative feelings), EFT (tapping), or Vipassana meditation (staying present). If forgiveness is the main issue, I recommend a process that is called PPP (Positive Psychological Programming), where you let go of your emotions step by step. If you need more information about this process, feel free to get in touch. For trauma, EMDR is amazingly effective, which I have personally experienced for myself and with others on several occasions. Just a few sessions can be enough to overcome a lifelong trauma (although more may be needed if the trauma is more complex or severe).

Living in the future rather than savoring the now
You may have a habit of worrying about future events all the time. This is a very good way to spoil the present moment and prevent yourself from enjoying anything wonderful. And this is sad, because life is generally wonderful (even in the presence of fear, sadness and anger).
Just the fact that you are alive today tells me the universe is looking after you. Trust that all will be well and that life will bring you exactly what you need at the right time. Because it does. Just allow life to unfold. Stop wanting to take control (because you can't). Just do what you feel you need or want to do. Let yourself flow with ease.
If you need help with letting go of future worries, I recommend any type of meditation, yoga, going for walks in nature, and any other activities that have a relaxing/grounding effect on you and allow you to flow with what is, right here, right now.

Dismissing your own needs rather than taking care of yourself
Last but not least, it is important to look after your needs and to do what you can to fulfill those needs. This doesn't have much to do with (e.g. work/life) balance (which is what stress-management is often about), but more so with awareness and flexibility. Since we are all different, it is likely that we all need different types of input and outlets. And these may also change and vary over time. For example, it might be that at times you don't need to spend much time with friends or hobbies, because you get enough fulfillment elsewhere. Some people may also have more energy than others, so they may seek to experience more. Others may need to reflect on life more often, so they may spend more time alone than others. And certain life events may also lead you to need more alone-time. So it is important to get in touch with what feels right to you and to share/communicate your needs with others. If it is somehow impossible to get a certain need met, then allow yourself the space to feel that too. If you continue to practice this and look after your needs, you will see that you will have a lot more to give to others.
So, looking after your needs is not a selfish act. It will make you a much more pleasant person to be around. People will want to know your secret. Also, many of our needs have to do with connection and giving to others, so if you continue to look after and fulfill your needs, you will also (most likely) spend more time helping and connecting with others.
If you need some more guidance with finding out what your needs are or how to express them to others, I fully recommend Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication Training Course, which is available online.

Finally, some general guidelines:

- Keep an open mind. Stop defining yourself by your past. Let go of self-labels and stop labeling others, things and events. Treat others as free souls who can change; because you can too. Be open to change. Flow with life.
- Surround yourself by the right people: people who are supportive and accepting of you. If you don't know any at this moment, then it may be best to spend more time alone for a while. Practice self-acceptance. Explore your strengths and build on those.
- Trust the universe. Your path is taken care of. Everything that should happen, will happen. You don't have to plan anything to reach your destination. You only need to focus on doing what matters right now.
- Stay present: Past and future are not your concern. Not now, not ever. They don't exist.
- Stay connected to yourself in each moment.
- Connect with others on a soul-level. See others as enlightened and be open to learn from the experience of being around them.
- Focus more on similarities with others instead of differences.
- Transcend your emotions: this will allow you to connect with love and gratitude, which surrounds us all the time. Learn to tap into that.
- Have patience with others. There is nothing you need from them. You have everything you need in this moment.
- Get a sense of humor and stop taking life so seriously. Your life is meant to be enjoyed.
- Provide yourself with enriching experiences. Follow your heart and follow your dreams. Don't hold back. You only live this life once. Don't let it pass you by. Do what you love and love what you do.
- Focus on one thing at a time. Lack of focus will inhibit integration of experience. Integration of experience is what brings peace of mind.