The Myth of the Soulmate

 

I used to believe in the concept of a "Soulmate", but not anymore. In fact, I have come to see that a belief in such a concept can be quite harmful (and perhaps even keep us from developing our very own soulmate-like relationship). I think buying into the concept of a perfect soulmate can be harmful in two ways:

 

1. It can keep people who are in relationships from investing in their current relationship and from committing to the other person (these are people with active commitment issues), and

 

2. (most commonly) It can encourage people who are looking for a relationship to look for excitement and passion ("chemistry") rather than what feels safe and secure (and thus maybe also "boring" to some), which almost guarantees that they will choose the wrong partner (e.g. someone who seems exciting, but is unwilling, unable or unavailable to make a commitment). Because in the end, what matters most is that we feel safe and at ease with somebody. Excitement will wear off quickly; usually within a few months. What comes after that (or remains after that) is the love connection we can build with the other person, if both individuals are willing and there are enough building blocks between them. But people with active issues who are looking for a soulmate might give up too soon on a relationship, even if it has real soulmate-quality-potential, because it may take some time and effort to develop. And soulmate seekers with passive issues might stay in unhealthy relationships for (far) too long, or start relationships they shouldn't start, because they keep hoping that their partner will change (usually either that the partner will want to commit or that they will transform into the soulmate they've been looking for).

 

I’ve been stuck at 2 most of my life (as a passive seeker), and always seemed to come across men who were either unwilling to make a commitment (sometimes despite a great and deep connection (this is the most painful)), or were a serious mismatch with me due to a major difference in values or lifestyle, which I always thought I could "fix". Coming to the realization that all my relationships were doomed from the start was both tragic and freeing, because now I can (and will) change it! Goodbye Illusions; welcome Reality...

 

Now, instead of dreaming about an elusive "perfect" Soulmate that I can either try to find or (more likely) try to create, I simply see myself as having things in common with other people; and I have more in common with some than with others. What matters most when we are looking for a partner, is that we have the right things in common with them; those things that matter most (mainly important values, age group and lifestyle choices). This will not only prevent conflict about major decisions (as much as possible), but will also make you both feel safe and secure in each other's presence. On top of that, I think a willingness to grow and learn (for both partners individually as well as a willingness to grow together in the relationship) is very important. And of course honesty and openness with a healthy, loving communication style (such as NVC).

 

By the way, after you give up the dream, the result is still more or less the same: You still meet the same people, but you might take a bit more time to assess whether you actually want to be in a relationship with them, also allowing the relationship more time to grow and mature at a more natural pace, without rushing toward relationship milestones. And the relationship you get into might still be (or become) the best you have ever had, and even better than you may have imagined it.... and it will be with a Real person (not with a fantasy or image of a person). So even if you don't feel magic instantly, it doesn't mean you can't create it or build it, together, in real life!

 

You, too, might be stuck in life due to the soulmate-myth, if:

 

- You tend to fall in love with a fantasy image rather than a real person that has strengths as well as flaws.

- You feel like your relationships are often one-sided, with you (or the other person) doing most of the work to keep the relationship going and keep it healthy.

- You see someone's "potential" to be a good partner rather than what they actually present to you right now in the moment... (Almost) everyone has potential, but not everyone is ready right now! Are you ready now? Then seek someone who is ready now, too.

- In the beginning of a relationship, you focus on what you want to hear and want to see, and filter out all the rest.

- You sabotage all (or some of) your relationships (especially when they are going well, or reach a more stable point).

- You engage in excessive fault-finding (about unimportant and sometimes unreasonable things).

- You break up with someone for a quality that was already present at the beginning and that may have even attracted you to them at first.

- Your relationships always seem to be lacking a feeling of "equality" in some important area.

- And you don't have to be single to have these issues either: some people stay in unhealthy relationships for a lifetime or hang on to unhealthy patterns within their relationships for too long.

 

If you recognize any of these points, I recommend that you read: He's Scared, She's Scared. This book is an absolute treasure, and I wish I had found (and read) it years ago. It's a valuable book for anyone to read, as commitment issues (whether passive - rushing into commitment without a reality check - or active - fear of commitment) is such a common thing these days, and seems to only become more and more common. It is also one of the most painful things anyone can experience in their lifetimes (if you're the passive partner), and to have to go through it over and over is absolute torture. So end your suffering and learn about this, question your thoughts and gain a renewed sense of peace in (your quest for) love.

 

 
A little side-note, and a comforting thought in case you have longed for a soulmate for a long time, and therefore are hesitant to give up the dream for that reason: There is indeed one Real Soulmate, already with you, since day one... 

 

I am sure you know who that is... 

 

It's you! You're the one. You've always been there with you. Can you be there for you as well, at all times? 

Love yourself first, don't abandon yourself, listen to yourself and stay with you at all times, and then you'll always choose right. It can sometimes become harder to listen to (= act on) our own inner voice when we're around someone we really like (especially in the infatuation stage), but as with anything: It will get easier with practice, and patience. So practice (with) patience!

Steps For Creating A Vision Board: Reshaping Your Life

When we are clear on what we really want out of life, the universe will suddenly align in new, unexpected and mysterious ways to make things happen that previously might have seemed unattainable, highly unlikely or simply impossible. Even before I created my first vision board, I have seen this principle (of the Determined Mind) work its magic in countless areas of my life (job opportunities, travels, dumpster finds, the entire journey to moneyless living, etc). Now I am also starting to see that a vision board can serve as a great (daily) reminder of our hopes, dreams and priorities in life. It can help us remain focused on what we truly want rather than what we don't want, and it can also help us catch any self-sabotage, subconscious resistance, or doubts that might crop up (as well as blind spots, double standards and hypocrisy) so that we can nip them in the bud.

As with most things in life, the actual process of creating a vision board is far more powerful than the final product, because it brings us clarity along the way. A clear, uncluttered, conscious and determined mind is what we need to create the life of our imagination. It works because when we are clear on what we truly want and focus on those aspects of our lives, we no longer resist whatever else happens. When all our focus is on what truly matters to us - what makes us feel truly alive - then everything else pales into insignificance. It doesn't matter anymore. It falls away. It literally disappears from our world. If you no longer give it any attention, it ceases to exist. That is how you rebuild your world. You can starve the parts of your life that no longer serve you by just refocusing your attention on what matters to you most.

Attention is always selective, so it's not a matter of either focusing your attention or not. We are always in the process of creating a new world, whether we do it consciously or not. Therefore it is important to focus with awareness, so that you can create consciously. And a vision board is a great way to get started.

Here are my personal guidelines for creating a vision board:

1. Think about what you really, really want. This is probably the hardest (and most important) part. Sometimes we think we want certain things, but upon closer inspection we just believe we want them. Maybe we really want something different. Also, sometimes we set the bar too low, due to limiting beliefs. What would you really want if there were no limitations? What makes your heart sing when you think about it? What would make you excited to be alive? How would you like to feel in this world? What kind of world would you like to live in?
Make sure you don't go for too much comfort. Remember that comfort kills growth. What would make all the pain worthwhile? What would make you forget about it altogether? If it's something you can find within your own heart, then that would be even better. No one can ever take that away.
2. Make a selection of your own favorite photos (and perhaps some from the Internet for things that haven't happened yet, or that you don't have suitable photos for); the ones that make you feel so enthusiastic and happy that you forget about everything else - even if just for a moment. Photos that make you laugh, or that remind you of good times or good qualities of yourself. Next, match those photos to the themes you selected for your vision board.
3. Write a detailed description of all the themes so that it is clear in your mind what you are going for. I kept adjusting the description until just reading the text made me feel enthusiastic and happy about the future. You can read the description I wrote for my themes in the second half of this post.
4. For each theme add affirmations, action steps and perhaps even powerful songs that make you feel happy, enthusiastic, empowered or peaceful - such as this one.
The most important steps to manifest your dreams are step 5 and 6:
5. Make sure your thoughts, words and actions are all in alignment with your goals. This helps you to stay mindful and alert of possible limiting beliefs that need to be worked through as well as self-sabotage (e.g. inaction).
6. Completely let go of any outcome and realize that your life is already wonderful as it is. Enjoy the process of becoming.
Whenever I look at my vision board - because of the happy pictures I have chosen - I am reminded how great my life has already been so far and I would not want to waste a moment of it by focusing on what *might* be missing. If you focus on what is missing in your life, you actually miss everything that is already right here, right now, making your life wonderful. Looking at my vision board I also feel excited about what's yet to come - on such a deep level that I know and feel that I would not want to settle for anything less than the highest vision (depicted on the board). If it were to require some time to materialize, it would be so worth the wait - no matter how long it would take. And even if my dreams would never materialize at all, it still wouldn't matter because I am living my truth authentically. This is what life is about for me. Time no longer matters when you have chosen your highest vision. When even time loses its significance, looking at the vision board makes you feel like you are already there, celebrating your life as what you envisioned. And when your mind is no longer in the way, that is the truth.
7. Review your board from time to time and change it as you change.

Creating a personal vision board is a fun, empowering and freeing experience. The mind is a powerful force. It is important to remember that. Therefore, take it seriously, and spend some contemplative time on the first step. Your focus can literally change the world. If we make our focus too narrow or focus on things that only benefit ourselves, we run the risk of becoming blind for others' experiences, and others' suffering. However, if we focus on creating values that benefit all beings, then we can transform the world together.

Back To Square One: Planning The Future

As most of you already know, I have just moved back to the Netherlands after spending almost 3 years in Norway. This was probably the longest period of time I have spent in one place in a long, long time. Since I was 18 years old, I have moved 32 times between 26 different addresses, across 7 different countries (or 8 if you count Northern Ireland as separate from England) and 3 continents. It was self-imposed and I used to enjoy every move - and still do to some degree. It keeps me from accumulating too much stuff, it is exciting and brings new adventures, it allows me to start over each time and therefore live in the moment more, and it helps me to gain new perspectives and to see the world through new eyes.

Nevertheless, there are also some downsides to long-term travel and living a rootless life, and for the past five or six years these have been coming to the forefront more and more. It can be challenging to maintain close friendships, or to experience a sense of belonging. Even though I can easily feel at home anywhere in the world, I also feel like I am an alien everywhere I go. I belong everywhere and nowhere. Each time I move to a new place it is a little less exciting and more exhausting to start up my life yet again, because I know it is just temporary and I will have to start all over again after just a few years. Saying good-bye to some of the wonderful people I meet along the way and grow to love and respect also gets more difficult each time. Sometimes I feel like an outcast, even though so far it has been mostly by choice.

I feel like it is time for a new phase in my life: a phase where I start to put down some serious roots, settle down, meet people (and really get to know them) and fully commit to building up my life in one place. To me, that feels quite a way outside my comfort zone because in a world that offers no certainties, my sense of security has come from remaining unbound and free. But at the same time that also brings a constant restlessness to my life; a sense of always being on the run (even when I am not).

So the next step in my rewilding adventure will be to build my own self-sufficient home, preferably in an environment where money and ownership are entirely absent (in the wild) or where I could more easily forget about those concepts (on my 'own' piece of land - which would be the next best thing if living in the wild would somehow not be an option). Therefore, the next time I move I am intending to stay for a while; maybe even forever. I will pluck up the courage to put down some firm roots, build solid friendships, and start living my dream: creating a self-sufficient, sustainable environment where I can live in harmony with nature, possibly with room for others to join me. No more waiting for the perfect time, the perfect people to show up around me or the perfect circumstances. Life offers no guarantees. I may be uprooted once again through circumstance, but I can always re-plant myself, and it may even be easier the second time.

The planning phase starts now. The first step will be to decide which country is best suited for me to build an eco-home, grow foods year-round and build a small community (whether in the wilderness or not). At the moment I am considering Norway and France as viable options, or perhaps further afield…

(If you have any advice for me, please let me know!)

Much love to you all. <3

What It Means To Be Successful

Success is often described in material terms. Society seems to prescribe it in terms of whether you own your own home, have a (nice) car, have a well-paid job, etc. If you don’t have a job or one that barely pays the bills, then it seems you can’t be successful according to society’s standards.

However, what matters is not how society defines success, or how your parents or friends define it. It matters how you define it. This is the only measure of success that you need to determine whether you have succeeded in life or not. It also doesn't have to be an end goal far into the future: it can be something you can achieve in any moment, over and over.

'How do I define success?' is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves, because it can help us remain true to ourselves and true to our path when hard times arise and we have to make tough decisions. Our definitions of success change and evolve over time, because life changes and situations change as well, and our perspectives may change as a result of that. In my experience, it usually becomes simpler as we get older and wiser. We realize that success really isn’t that complicated (which doesn't mean it is always easy), and that we really don’t need that much to live a meaningful, happy and fulfilling life. We realize that it is more (or even entirely) about what happens on the inside rather than about what happens around us. That realization is success in itself - if freedom is important to you.

For me, a definition of success is only meaningful if it is something that I can achieve at any time (no matter what happens). It is about prioritizing what matters most to me at that point in time. It is always about me, because I can’t decide for others, or dictate what situations may come my way. Defining success as a personal quality that I want to develop not only makes life simpler and more enjoyable, it also helps me to see the perfection of life because everything that happens is an opportunity for me to learn and to practice. I can start over in every moment. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed. It doesn't matter. I get to practice.

Have you noticed that the challenges that come to you are always the right ones? And that the people who show up in your life (and leave again) also bring you exactly what you need?

*****

How do you measure success in your life? What does being successful mean to you?

 

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today it is my dad's birthday and I would like to honor him by sharing some of the great things he has taught me. I would not be the same person without him!

Thank you dad, I love you! <3

Dad visiting me in Australia

Honesty is most important
There is no one in the world I trust as much as my dad. He always tells me the truth, because he has nothing to hide. He lives a life true to himself. Anyone who does that, has no need to be dishonest. There is nothing to gain from it. This is the type of person I also try to be in every moment. It is my main priority, because I have experienced the benefits of this way of life too. It is not even about other people; it is mostly about being honest with myself. After all, I am the one who has to live with the things that I say and do. Being honest just makes life so much easier.

The importance of backing up words with actions
I can give many examples of things my dad has done that show that he favors actions over merely words, especially when it comes to the things that are important to him. This does not just apply to big decisions, but also to small, everyday actions. He is a man you can count on. He is there when people need him and he gives the best advice. He keeps his promises and lives his life according to his values as best as he can at all times. When he realizes that something goes against his values, he simply stops doing  it. Actions are the foundations of words; not the other way around. I realize now how rare (and valuable) this quality is, and I am always grateful when I meet other people like this.
Dad has often reminded me of the importance of actions, for example whenever he noticed that my actions didn't match my words or when some of my actions were not in line with my values. He has done so all my life and he still does so if necessary, so I've had a lifetime of practice. In this way, my dad has taught me to be mindful, reflective and to take responsibility for my words and actions: to live life with integrity (and true to myself).

If you want something and it doesn’t exist yet (or it is not allowed); create it.
My dad was always fascinated by cars and of course he wanted his own. But he was only a little boy, so he did not have the money to buy one and he didn't even have a driver's license. So he built his own car, with the help of his father, when he was 6 years old. It was made from some leftover car parts and had an electrical motor. He kept refining it and perfecting it until he was about 16. When he was 12 he made his first car with a petrol-driven motor. So my dad had a lot of driving experience when he was finally legally allowed to drive (at age 18).

My dad's first self-built electric car! In this picture he was around 7 or 8

Never give up on your dreams; if you want it, you can achieve it
It is almost like my dad never has any doubts when I share my dreams with him. Sometimes of course he has some concerns or tips regarding practicalities, but he believes in the power of will. If you really want something and if the goal is worthwhile and meaningful, then you will achieve it; there is just no question. That is how my dad also lives his life. He never doubted any of his dreams, and he achieved them all, despite what anyone else thought. I guess it also helps that my dad knows how to keep it simple. He knows that he doesn't need much to be happy. His main dream was to own a small company and run a business making something useful. He achieved this goal in his early forties, even though it was a tough road.
Nobody else believed that he could ever make it: his teachers had given up on him very early on because he was more interested in the occasional fly that landed on his desk than what the teacher was saying. His parents also weren't sure he would ever amount to anything because he was doing so poorly at school. They made him change schools six times, but to no avail. Dad just didn't care much for traditional ways of learning. He has a gift for technical work though, and building things from scratch. Dad knew this all along - which is why he never worried about his future. He knew he would be okay. After all, he was already the proud owner of a car at the tender age of 6. Not many people can make such a claim.

The first car he didn't build himself: A Triumph Herald

Don’t be afraid to work hard for something you really want – and don’t lose sight of what is important in the process
My dad is retired now, but he has always been a hard worker. He never worked for the money, but simply because he enjoys the process of creating things. He worked as a dental technician for all his life. He never counted his hours and often worked 16 hours a day (sometimes more); often with some additional hours on the weekends. He never requested any extra pay for overtime (and never got any), because money was not his main priority.
The extra hours were often necessary due to problems with other staff (prolonged sickness; holidays) while the workload remained the same. My dad is a pragmatic and reliable person so he would always make sure that the work got done; finishing one thing at a time. Of course he got the position of manager soon enough and took over the business several years later. All the while he kept working long hours; making sure that everyone else could always go home in time. And he never complained about it.

The importance of giving
My dad never wanted much for himself. He is happy living a simple life and appreciates the little things. He doesn’t need a lot of stuff and would rather give to others than get a lot of stuff for himself. He was like that even as a little boy. When he was young (around seven years old) he won a competition and he got to choose between several prizes. He chose a sewing kit. Everybody laughed at him because it was a 'girly' choice and his classmates (as well as the teacher) made fun of him for weeks. However, the reason he chose it was because his sister was ill at the time and he was hoping that giving her an unexpected gift might cheer her up.

Having fun watching mum when she is politely declining
the offers of overzealous sales-people

Stand up for what you believe in
My dad is a man of principle. He would never do anything if he didn’t support it on some level, and he expects the same from others. He is not afraid to say no, but he only says it when something goes against his values. If not, then he is always ready to help anyone who may need it.
When my dad was 24 years old, he had to go into the army (it was compulsory at the time). It was a place he had no intention of going to because he does not believe in war, but there were only a few ways to get out of it: one was to get married, one to get imprisoned and the final one was failing the physical or mental tests. Even though my mum and dad were already dating at the time, they decided they wanted to get married for the right reasons and at a time that felt right for them. So my dad went for the final option.
He still gave the army a try for one week, but after that he was extremely certain he wanted nothing to do with it. He stopped eating and started feigning other psychological symptoms. He was relieved from his duties immediately and put under investigation. After three months of thorough investigations and examinations (and losing too much weight due to the ongoing self-starvation), he was free to go. During the process of investigations he was coached by his brother (a psychologist), who gave him useful tips on how to respond to the inquisitions. After he was 'released', he got a permanent mark on his records of his 'disability' and he was warned by government officials that he would never get another job with this. My dad took the chance anyway.
Of course nobody ever cared about it afterwards and the subject was never brought up again (even though it is still on his records to this day). I am very proud of my dad for taking a stand against the army despite the threats and pressure to comply, and for not caring about what others would think or what the consequences would be. Freedom is worth fighting for; borders are not! 

Stand by your own side
You can stand strong by yourself; you don’t need others on your side to stand stronger. If you know how to support yourself no matter what, you will be invincible.
I remember an event that happened when I was very young (perhaps around 6 or 7 years old). I was buying second-hand horse magazines from another child, and we were trying to get to a deal. I was telling her how much I wanted to spend, and the girl said how much she was expecting to get; the typical bargaining one learns early on. Of course we did not entirely agree and the girl quickly asked her mum. Mum got involved and gave some advice on pricing. I still did not agree. The girl kept checking with her mum and eventually we reached an agreement. Afterwards I asked my dad why he didn’t get involved to support me. And he said that he was so proud of me that I didn’t ask his help. He said that I was in a much stronger position because I did not show any doubt and merely expressed my own wishes and beliefs, without involving anyone else. That was a much stronger argument than that of the other girl. He did not want to interfere and ruin that. Even though it was a small incident, it was a defining moment in my life, because my dad gave me a completely different perspective on the situation, which taught me self-respect.
My dad has always believed in me, especially at times when I did not believe in myself (or anything else) anymore. He has always reminded me (and he still does) of my worth and my talents, and the difference I can make in the world. We all have this ability to make a difference. None of us is more special or more talented than another; we just have different kinds of talents. That is the main reason why it is so important to find your passion. Passion is what can - and does!- change the world!

My dad's new-and-improved car (fuel-driven) when he was about 14

Never lose your sense of humor
My dad makes the best jokes in the world, because they are always clever and never mean or cheap (they don't involve bringing down people, subgroups or any other form of life). They are mostly situational, or puns. He is really funny and it is catchy. When I am with my dad, he brings out the best in me and we have the best of times.
Dad has never lost his sense of humor, throughout his life. Even when he was in hospital after suffering a brain aneurysm and we all thought he was going to die, he was still making people around him laugh and changing the hospital into a more cheerful place. Sometimes I take life too seriously, but when I talk to my dad, I am reminded that life is better with a sense of humor. It puts everything in perspective.

Laughing at dad's funny comments. Pure joy! :D

Loyalty and standing up for others (justice)
My dad is a loyal friend who will always have your back and stick up for people when necessary. When my dad started working at 18 or 19 years old, his boss was complaining to all the employees that it was all so expensive. He was paying for the employees to get their training and then they were also requesting a pay rise (minimum wage had just gone up).
This made my dad angry because the boss was a wealthy man who should really not complain about such matters to his staff, so my dad decided to make a statement. He requested a talk with his boss in his office and said that he didn't want the raise if the boss was going to complain about it to everyone and blame his staff members, because my dad had never personally asked for it in the first place. The boss then admitted that that was not possible, because the government forced him to pay this amount. Dad told him that he shouldn't be complaining about it then, and left the office to get back to work.

Tolerance
Dad taught me to be respectful of others, because you never know their full story, even if you think they told you. You can never know people's intentions, or their hopes and dreams, because you are not them. But there is one thing that unites all of us: We all want freedom, happiness and we want to matter. We want to be acknowledged and respected as human beings. We want to belong. And if we keep this in mind, the world is a very friendly place indeed.

There are always inspiring people around us and we can learn from all of them. My dad has always been my hero, and I have discovered many other inspiring people who have taught me various things as well. Different people can teach you different skills and perspectives, and we can take bits and pieces from everyone we meet and combine them to build up our own perfect self; in line with our personal truths, beliefs and values.

May you find inspiration in your fellow beings!

Let me know in the comments who has inspired you and what you learned!

FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

Here are some of the questions that I have been asked most frequently by readers of the blog or whenever I posted articles from this blog on Facebook pages, or when others shared my posts.


Feel free to ask another question if yours is not yet listed or insufficiently answered!

N.B: Recently I have decided that 'rewilding' is a better term to use to describe this way of life than 'moneyless' because living without money (as much as possible) is only a very small aspect of this way of life. So this FAQ is not entirely relevant anymore, although I have made some changes to my answers. I might write an updated version as new questions come up.
 
1. I am just one person among billions. Why would it matter what I do? Can I really make a difference?
2. What are the benefits of living moneyless? Why would anyone do it?
3. How do you get <insert random “need”> for free?
4. What motivates you to do what you are doing? 
5. How can you say you live moneyless when you are using other people's facilities that cost them money?
6. Are there exceptions to your moneyless life?
7. If you want to be free full-time and live completely moneyless, then why don’t you quit your job?
8. What do you do for fun?
9. What will you do with all that money you have saved while living moneyless and also earning a salary? 
10. What if everyone would live like you? Would society as we know it still exist? Would we still have the comforts we have today?
11. But what about things that are mass produced? Will we still be able to have things like computers and such? 
12. Are you against money? If it were up to you, would you ban money? 
13. What if the majority of people just doesn’t want to risk losing what we have and want to keep things the way they are? 
14. What about healthcare?
15. What if you get old/sick/etc?
16. How can I support a moneyless world? How can I best inspire others to change?
 
1. I am just one person among billions. Why would it matter what I do? Can I really make a difference?
The short answer is YES, you can make a difference! Not just for yourself, but also for others.
You'd be surprised of how much one person can do, and if you make it your mission to create change you will continue to discover new ways in which you can help your cause and make changes in the world that go beyond the scope of the personal / individual level. As long as your intentions and motivations go beyond personal rewards and benefits, then your reach will, too.
For example, your life mission to support the environment and the ecosystems through targeted actions may inspire many other people to make similar changes and to start working towards this common goal. You may even create a social movement in the process of reaching out to others and sharing your personal story. Every single action counts, and it is impossible to see the reach of the outward ripples that even one single action can create.
Once you have made steady changes to your life, you will see that you can't help but affect others differently also, perhaps inspiring them to change without even trying (in fact, it only works as long as you don't try): they will notice how you respond differently, how your vibe is different, that you are a happier person and that you express yourself differently. They will notice how you choose your words and actions more carefully and how they are more aligned, because your actions (as well as your words) are now directly guided by your values and beliefs. They will notice how your new way of life works much better for you and everyone around you. They will notice you live your life with more integrity, and how your life seems somehow more meaningful for that reason. They also notice how they could do the same thing and start living within their values instead of doing what everyone else is doing. All of this is contagious; it is inspiring.

2. What are the benefits of 'rewilding', or living moneyless? Why would anyone do it?
 There are so many benefits to the moneyless life that it is difficult to list them all. Let's look at some of them:
-Overall:
One of the biggest benefits to the moneyless lifestyle (or what I now like to call 'rewilding') is that it promotes freedom, in every sense of the word.This includes having more options for how you want to live your life, having more time, being more in control of your health and what you eat, and increasing your own skills for survival instead of relying on others. It puts you back in control of your own life and you no longer have to participate in society's obligations such as jobs, consumerism and taxes.
- Physical:
Rewilding is also likely to get you in a better physical shape because you are solely responsible for your own health once you quit money. Rewilding also leads you to de-clutter your life, which is a huge contributor to a more relaxed and happier life, because you have so much less to worry about (and you realize you didn't really need all that stuff in the first place!).
- Emotional:
Rewilding can make you a happier person, because it encourages living life from a place of gratitude at all times. It also gives your life instant meaning and purpose, and therefore you will experience a sense of fulfillment more of the time. Living with integrity helps you become more balanced and remain centered through most of your experiences in life.
- Cognitive:
Your mindset changes for the better when you focus less on money and simplify your life. It helps you to get back in touch with the reality of being part of an ecosystem and to live in harmony with the beings around you. It also stops the calculated type of mindset that money teaches, which promotes conditional giving rather than unconditional living. Unconditionality is another key to happiness. Having more time will create necessary space for you to reflect more and integrate new experiences. This also helps you stay grounded and equanimous. More about the moneyless mindset in this post.
- Social:
Rewilding (and living without money) promotes independence (from the system and others) as well as collaboration with others. This means your relationships with others will also improve. As with all aspects of life, you will no longer be looking for what others can do for you, but more for what you have to offer and how your relationships with others can be as meaningful as possible.
-Benefits beyond yourself:
Rewilding has also many positive impacts on the environment in that it helps other beings thrive, it halts the destruction that we are doing to the earth (mainly driven by money, ownership and our loss of connection with nature), it brings your focus back to supporting the ecosystem you live in and brings you more in touch with the natural resources you use, which promotes efforts to protect and help replenish them.

3. How do you get <insert random “need”> for free?
When your main focus is contribution (instead of just getting everything for free) and you start getting creative, you will see that there are many ways to get things for free. Of course you can work your way towards living completely for free in steps/ stages, as I have done (that is: without using money). You may also discover along the way that you no longer need certain things, even if you really believed you needed them in the past. So it is best to just get started somewhere and see how far you can take it, without anticipating too much on things you might think you need. You can simply eliminate one cost after another and deal with each need as it arises. I have to add though that 'getting something for free' is a misleading way to describe this way of life and it puts the focus in the wrong places. Contribution and giving is always the main focus. All needs should therefore be questioned in the process of simplifying life.
Some ideas about how to find basics for free can be found here, how I found my first free home is explained in this post and some ideas on what to do for fun can be found here.

4. What motivates you to do what you are doing?
When I started the challenge, it was mostly about saving money and doing something practical to help the environment besides just studying environmental psychology and doing research. However, very soon into the challenge the other benefits mentioned above took over, or rather supplemented these initial goals. This helped me to keep going, and turn my vision into a mission; a way of life. The journey became self-rewarding. This last year my life has felt more meaningful than ever before. Also I have felt happier and healthier than I have felt in a long time. And I have definitely felt more focused, determined and successful than ever. All that is left now is for me to gain total freedom after I finish my final job (the PhD degree) in 2017. Then I will be completely free. I am very much looking forward to taking this last step towards personal freedom.

5. How can you say you live moneyless when you are using other people's facilities that cost them money?
This question has come up a lot. So much so, that I decided to write a post about how I see it. You can read more about it here. The bottom-line is that living moneyless requires a different mindset, which will develop once you get started on the path. It is therefore difficult to describe, but perhaps with some imagination it can be understood from the post that I just mentioned. Money can create a mindset of exchange and a focus on calculating cost and value in all our interactions with others, which makes our relationships less personal and less rewarding.
In addition, the distinction between what costs money and what doesn't is completely artificial and made up. In the end everything comes from the earth and returns back to the earth. What is free and what costs money has changed over the years and will keep changing. So why would we even make that distinction?
When you live moneyless, you are no longer constantly thinking about exchange. People don't give to me conditionally, and I don't give to them conditionally. All interactions are unconditional. This is what happens when money is taken out of the equation, and that is the point of 'moneyless living' for me. The focus is on what you can give instead of how much you can get.
In this context I also think it is important to remember that not paying money does not mean that one does not contribute. The contribution just happens in a different form, which is more focused on serving others directly and serving the ecosystem that we are all a part of than on "financial contribution" (which sounds rather vague and unspecific in comparison, doesn't it?). Read more about that here.
One final point is that the answer to this question ultimately doesn't matter, because living without money is not actually the goal of this way of life. The goal is to get more in touch with nature: to increase awareness and consciousness. I would like to call it 'rewilding'. That is freedom. Read more about that here.

6. Are there exceptions to your moneyless life?
When I say I am living moneyless, it means that I am not spending any money, without exceptions so far this year and with a few exceptions last year. However, I still have a job at the moment (until October 2017) so I still receive an income and I still have some indirect payments (automatic taxes). Also, I use office supplies that are paid for by the university and I get some incentives to use for traveling and costs while traveling. This means there are occasions where I am still indirectly 'consuming'; mostly through my job.
However, after October 2017 I am planning to retire completely and then I will be completely money-free. Then I will no longer burden the earth directly nor indirectly by using valuable resources for valueless reasons. This will be the final step in the process of my personal liberation; the final step towards freedom. It is what I am preparing for right now with the foraging challenge.
However, remember that living without money (or with less money) is only a tool to help me in what my way of life is really about: rewilding - getting more in touch with nature and raising awareness/consciousness.

7. If you want to be free full-time and live completely moneyless, then why don’t you just quit your job?
I have considered quitting my job, but eventually decided against it. I seriously considered quitting my job at the end of last year and with any other job I would have. So this last step of giving up everything is taking a bit longer than I hoped and ideally it would have come sooner. But I do treat my job more like a hobby now (I take it less seriously) and definitely don’t let it dictate my choices and priorities. As a consequence I enjoy it more too, and I am probably even more productive. I used to take my work way too seriously to the point where I would often stress myself and others out (I suffered from burnout a couple of times in my life).
However, a couple of points have made me decide against quitting this job. I started the job before I started this challenge and my job provided me with the ideal circumstances to try out moneyless living to decide if it was right for me. Also, it is a temporary job so it won’t be much longer and it gives me exactly enough time to prepare all my next steps in detail, before starting the nomadic journey. The job also gives me a lot of freedom: I can work from home whenever I want and can even include writing this blog as part of it. It is almost as good as being entirely free, and a great step in-between.
In a way this job helped me discover the moneyless life, because it gave me the final push to take environmental action (with the topic of my PhD being about interventions to promote behavior change to mitigate climate change). So I feel some loyalty towards the people who made this possible (my supervisor mostly, who has been very supportive of my personal efforts with this moneyless project from the very start). I have also found that it works much better to take on this challenge in steps rather than throw myself into the deep end straight away. The process of freeing yourself from society (and changing/ re-building your mindset) takes time. And because at the start I still had my connections with society (through my job) I was able to test the waters first with some peace of mind.
Nowadays my mindset is so different that it is hard to imagine that I was so obsessed with getting a job in the first place. And it is hard to imagine that I would have felt like I needed a job at all. But I did. And I found one. Luckily I also took up the moneyless challenge, because now I know I don't need a job, which frees me up for the future. So in part, I have my job to thank for the idea to go moneyless and for supporting me through this process of transitioning from being trapped in the system and slowly freeing myself. I am very grateful for this and I believe that some loyalty from my side is in order to complete this project. So all of this made me decide to finish what I started.
If I would have been unable to find this  particular job, perhaps I would have tried to go moneyless anyway. It is difficult to say in hindsight. It may have seemed more difficult with the old mindset of not feeling good enough and being so focused on the need to find a job and to be part of society and to ‘contribute’ in the traditional sense of the word. Having said that, others have shown that this way is also possible. But perhaps it is reassuring to know that you don't have to take the plunge right away, and that you can make small changes on this journey and still reach the same destination. I think this makes moneyless living appear much more attainable to many people. For most people, it is much easier to oversee one change at a time than to just changing everything overnight.
You don't have to give up everything right away. You can work your way towards it and just let go whenever you are ready. In the meantime you can just work on preparing yourself.

8. What do you do for fun?
When you follow your passions in life you will notice you don’t need so much ‘fun’ anymore, because your life is already fun and joyful. Fun can be an escape people need when they take life too seriously too much of the time, or when they don't want to face the reality of their lives somehow. However, fun and enjoyment of life is important and I did write a post on how to do certain things that most would consider fun. Read more about things to do for fun here.

9. What will you do with all that money you have saved while living moneyless and also earning a salary?
At the start of the challenge, the plan was to save up a lot of money and then buy some land in France or Spain (or somewhere else with a good climate) to start an ecofarm or even a small ecovillage, where I could grow my own food and live a happy, peaceful life, enjoying nature and all it has to offer. But now I am not so sure what I will do. If I buy land, then it brings more worries into my life and it is putting me back into the system that I have learned to reject and have come to detest (the money-grid), as having land means having to pay property taxes in most countries (yes, there are exceptions). And that means I am yet again no longer 100% free. At the same time I also have the urge to settle down after so much moving around and living a ‘rootless’ kind of life (although definitely not in Norway as I find the cold and dark winters absolutely unbearable).
So I am not sure what I will do. Perhaps I will live the nomadic, moneyless life for a while and travel from Norway to Spain on a horse or hiking, and then I can just see where the road takes me. I can see what I find and if I find a beautiful location where I want to settle, I can do that with or without buying land. Perhaps there is some land that is not used where I can live. It is hard to predict this kind of stuff. We will see what the universe has in store for me. I am sure that I will know what to do once the time comes. In the meantime, as always, it is good to have options. Freedom is mostly about creating options.

10. What if everyone would live like you? Would society as we know it still exist? Would we still have the comforts we have today?
Many people seem to worry that if everyone would live like this, there would be a lot they have to ‘give up’. Of course it is difficult to imagine what a moneyless world would look like now, because we have made a lot of technical advancements since the stone age (and understandably, not everyone wants to go back to that). I do know that when we all live moneyless, a few things will start to happen:
1. We would all have a lot more time, because none of us would need to work anymore.
2. Our collective environmental footprint will be reduced significantly, because a lot of damage is done in the name of employment (‘just doing my job’), profit and (economic) growth (things some like to call ‘progress’).
3. Everyone will take responsibility for their basic needs, which means that everyone will invest time in learning how to grow their own food and purify water. Cities will probably be rebuilt to be more sustainable; more in line with keeping water, air and food clean and accessible. People will do this voluntarily (without payment) because they have the time and it is their home.
4. People will uphold and maintain societal structures they deem important, such as health care. So a moneyless society will demonstrate what people think is important and where efforts should be directed. I imagine that structures like the military will disappear almost instantly, as they benefit no one when money is no longer involved. So will politics and other unnecessary societal structures. I imagine that things like education (mainly of survival and other self-help/life skills), the arts and health services will flourish.
5. Natural resources will once again be valued, protected and cherished rather than exploited and depleted for all they are worth.

11. But what about things that are mass produced? Will we still be able to have things like computers and such?
Many people who believe in a moneyless world fail to take action because they fear that they have to make (big) sacrifices. This is not the case. In my case, I have not had to sacrifice anything. I have my own little home on a farm with plenty of space, I have access to enough food to feed several families and I have all the stuff that I need and more (I am still downsizing even though I didn't have that much to begin with). Each time I simplify my life more or get rid of more stuff, it feels liberating (and not like a loss or sacrifice at all).
But what if we would all live this way? Would I still have the computer that I am using to type?
Well, if the answer would be no, then does that mean that ‘slave labor’ is the price for our luxuries? Or at least the fear of losing those things is keeping us all tied to the current system. Is that worth it? And is it even an option, realistically, for the long term? I’d say no. It is not sustainable and we will destroy the planet this way, probably sooner rather than later. Again, is that worth it? If all is destroyed, would you regret not making changes and taking the chance of perhaps being even happier than you are now? Would you feel like you had done enough to prevent this from happening once major catastrophes start to happen that affect all of us? (And yes, they have already started, but perhaps none of them have affected you personally yet; at least not as far as you realize.)
Although it may not be possible to keep comforts in the form they are in right now when forced labor falls away, I do believe that production of things that people really want and need will still happen even without the use of money, if it is something people value. Perhaps a different kind of product will be invented, from different materials (that are easier to produce on a smaller scale) and one that lasts much longer because then the aim will be sustainability rather than consumerism (for more information on the purposeful speedy expiry of products, see this video (the end of ownership), which explains the basics of a resource based economy.  You can also watch the Story of Stuff (very insightful!), which puts everything in perspective and explains the circular economy. For more about a circular economy see this TED talk by Thomas Rau).
It is impossible to describe with certainty exactly what the future would look like. But the fact remains that what it would look like is totally up to us. We can create the future the way we want it to be, in total freedom. If we miss something, it is our responsibility to (re-)create it; this time in a more sustainable way. If we don’t like something, it is up to us to change it. This new paradigm is the kind of world that stimulates and rewards innovations and initiative, instead of laziness and complacency.
So to come back to the question: is it possible to keep all the luxuries we have right now? The answer is, I don’t know (although the future is in our hands and I do believe that people are capable of creating anything if it is important enough for them, with very limited resources). But let me ask you this: Is it possible to sustain human life without making radical changes to the way we do things? Is the way we live now, collectively, in any way sustainable? And here I know for sure that the answer is no. And that is all I need to know. It makes the above question completely irrelevant.

12. Are you against money? If it were up to you, would you ban money?
At the start of my challenge, I had nothing against money. I was neutral to money. I did not feel the need for others to change. My journey was purely personal. I didn’t see money as good or bad, just as a tool. But now, through my experiences and reflections, I have seen the links between money and so many forms of destruction. And I would like to see humanity move beyond this ancient (and debilitating) construct.
In a world without money, would natural resources get exploited? Would hierarchies exist in the same way as they do now? Would nature be destroyed or protected? Would we live in harmony with nature or go against it? Would we cherish other beings or carelessly drive them to extinction? Would people still work jobs and would they still work the same type of jobs, or would they do something more constructive with their time on earth? Would people live to support the system, or themselves, each other and the earth? When you really get into it, you will see that many things are directly related to money, consumption and our habits of exchange. We can all move beyond it by getting back in touch with nature.
However, I have also come to realize that money is not the cause but rather the consequence of our dysfunctional way of thinking. So banning money would not work: the root cause is in the mind so we need to change (evolve) our way of thinking first and foremost.

13. What if the majority of people just don’t want to risk losing what we have and want to keep things the way they are?
At the very least it would be great to have some part of the world where this type of society could be trialed: one that does not rely on money and that produces everything on a small scale. This gives people who do not believe in money anymore the chance to opt out and it gives people who do not believe in moneyless societies an example of how it could work. I understand if people do not share my ideas. I don’t want to force them to change. But I also do not want to be forced to remain in a system where I don’t belong.
Additionally, as mentioned previously: if we don't start making changes now, the world will be headed for destruction sooner rather than later. I do not want to wait here and watch it happen. I want to do what I can to contribute to a solution before it is too late. Time is running out. Nature doesn't care whether you believe in climate change or not, and while we are debating this and other pointless topics, the window of opportunity is closing.

14. What about healthcare?
Ultimately everyone is responsible for their own health. Yes, some health problems may be caused by genetic makeup, but the majority of health problems stem from the ways we live our lives (not enough nutrients, not enough oxygen/clean air, not enough movement). The current trend of making others responsible for our health does not promote self-care and healthy decisions.
However, as mentioned under question number 10, I believe that health care will still be accessible in a moneyless society. Until we reach that point, we need to learn to support ourselves in the best way possible. Learn about natural medicine and learn about plants. All the cures in the world are out there, and prevention is the best cure of all. That means living a healthy lifestyle with healthy food (foods from the earth) and natural activities (NOT sitting in an office all day).
Most likely, the same system that offers you health care is also making you sick.
Read more about my views on health here.

15. What if you get old/sick/etc?
Well, we all get old and eventually we all die. This is an inescapable fact of life. And so for me it is illogical to sacrifice my freedom for something like health care (which I may never need, and have not needed in a long time). Why would I sacrifice my whole life (and the freedom to live it as I choose) in exchange for something that I may or may not need some time in the future (i.e. health care)? It doesn't make sense.
So yeah, if I get sick I may die, someone may help me, or I may find a natural cure. If I do end up dying, it is called natural selection. It is how nature keeps its populations clean. And when I get old, I die as well. But I will die a free person, and that's what's important.

16. How can I support a moneyless world? How can I best inspire others to change?
Actions are the foundations for change, because they speak louder than words. Words are only a supplement. On top of that it feels better too, because actions are empowering and can redirect and strengthen the energy generated by having a vision. Doing something therefore always beats doing nothing.
When you want others to change, it must start with you. You cannot get others to change first. If you feel and see that change is necessary and possible, then you must take that first step. I sometimes see people out there desperately trying to change the world, but they forget to take those first steps. Instead they try to change the world before they change themselves by trying to convince others to change first. But how can we expect others to change when we are not even willing or ready to do so ourselves? If you are in this situation and find yourself promoting change to others but are not consistently taking the necessary practical steps that are involved, then you have a wonderful opportunity. Obviously something is still holding you back, and it is likely that that very same thing is keeping others from changing too. So if you explore what it is and figure out how to overcome your personal barriers, then you can lead the way for others to follow in your footsteps, even more effectively than if you would have had no barriers to overcome. After all, how can you be a teacher or mentor if you never had to learn anything?
If you fail to walk the talk, nobody will take you seriously and you won't be able to offer anyone any guidelines on how to get started. Also, you might implicitly contribute to the myth that it is okay to talk about the need for change without taking actual action; that talking about it and being offended by the state of the world is a form of taking action. It is not. We need real actions to create lasting, structural change. On the other hand, if you have walked the path yourself, then you can give specific guidelines on how people can get started, and you can demonstrate to the world that change is possible and beneficial (to yourself and to the world). Inspiring real structural and societal change can only come from personal change.
(See also question 1).



This page may be updated if new questions come in or as my views on life (and hence answers to the questions) evolve.