The Myth of the Soulmate

 

I used to believe in the concept of a "Soulmate", but not anymore. In fact, I have come to see that a belief in such a concept can be quite harmful (and perhaps even keep us from developing our very own soulmate-like relationship). I think buying into the concept of a perfect soulmate can be harmful in two ways:

 

1. It can keep people who are in relationships from investing in their current relationship and from committing to the other person (these are people with active commitment issues), and

 

2. (most commonly) It can encourage people who are looking for a relationship to look for excitement and passion ("chemistry") rather than what feels safe and secure (and thus maybe also "boring" to some), which almost guarantees that they will choose the wrong partner (e.g. someone who seems exciting, but is unwilling, unable or unavailable to make a commitment). Because in the end, what matters most is that we feel safe and at ease with somebody. Excitement will wear off quickly; usually within a few months. What comes after that (or remains after that) is the love connection we can build with the other person, if both individuals are willing and there are enough building blocks between them. But people with active issues who are looking for a soulmate might give up too soon on a relationship, even if it has real soulmate-quality-potential, because it may take some time and effort to develop. And soulmate seekers with passive issues might stay in unhealthy relationships for (far) too long, or start relationships they shouldn't start, because they keep hoping that their partner will change (usually either that the partner will want to commit or that they will transform into the soulmate they've been looking for).

 

I’ve been stuck at 2 most of my life (as a passive seeker), and always seemed to come across men who were either unwilling to make a commitment (sometimes despite a great and deep connection (this is the most painful)), or were a serious mismatch with me due to a major difference in values or lifestyle, which I always thought I could "fix". Coming to the realization that all my relationships were doomed from the start was both tragic and freeing, because now I can (and will) change it! Goodbye Illusions; welcome Reality...

 

Now, instead of dreaming about an elusive "perfect" Soulmate that I can either try to find or (more likely) try to create, I simply see myself as having things in common with other people; and I have more in common with some than with others. What matters most when we are looking for a partner, is that we have the right things in common with them; those things that matter most (mainly important values, age group and lifestyle choices). This will not only prevent conflict about major decisions (as much as possible), but will also make you both feel safe and secure in each other's presence. On top of that, I think a willingness to grow and learn (for both partners individually as well as a willingness to grow together in the relationship) is very important. And of course honesty and openness with a healthy, loving communication style (such as NVC).

 

By the way, after you give up the dream, the result is still more or less the same: You still meet the same people, but you might take a bit more time to assess whether you actually want to be in a relationship with them, also allowing the relationship more time to grow and mature at a more natural pace, without rushing toward relationship milestones. And the relationship you get into might still be (or become) the best you have ever had, and even better than you may have imagined it.... and it will be with a Real person (not with a fantasy or image of a person). So even if you don't feel magic instantly, it doesn't mean you can't create it or build it, together, in real life!

 

You, too, might be stuck in life due to the soulmate-myth, if:

 

- You tend to fall in love with a fantasy image rather than a real person that has strengths as well as flaws.

- You feel like your relationships are often one-sided, with you (or the other person) doing most of the work to keep the relationship going and keep it healthy.

- You see someone's "potential" to be a good partner rather than what they actually present to you right now in the moment... (Almost) everyone has potential, but not everyone is ready right now! Are you ready now? Then seek someone who is ready now, too.

- In the beginning of a relationship, you focus on what you want to hear and want to see, and filter out all the rest.

- You sabotage all (or some of) your relationships (especially when they are going well, or reach a more stable point).

- You engage in excessive fault-finding (about unimportant and sometimes unreasonable things).

- You break up with someone for a quality that was already present at the beginning and that may have even attracted you to them at first.

- Your relationships always seem to be lacking a feeling of "equality" in some important area.

- And you don't have to be single to have these issues either: some people stay in unhealthy relationships for a lifetime or hang on to unhealthy patterns within their relationships for too long.

 

If you recognize any of these points, I recommend that you read: He's Scared, She's Scared. This book is an absolute treasure, and I wish I had found (and read) it years ago. It's a valuable book for anyone to read, as commitment issues (whether passive - rushing into commitment without a reality check - or active - fear of commitment) is such a common thing these days, and seems to only become more and more common. It is also one of the most painful things anyone can experience in their lifetimes (if you're the passive partner), and to have to go through it over and over is absolute torture. So end your suffering and learn about this, question your thoughts and gain a renewed sense of peace in (your quest for) love.

 

 
A little side-note, and a comforting thought in case you have longed for a soulmate for a long time, and therefore are hesitant to give up the dream for that reason: There is indeed one Real Soulmate, already with you, since day one... 

 

I am sure you know who that is... 

 

It's you! You're the one. You've always been there with you. Can you be there for you as well, at all times? 

Love yourself first, don't abandon yourself, listen to yourself and stay with you at all times, and then you'll always choose right. It can sometimes become harder to listen to (= act on) our own inner voice when we're around someone we really like (especially in the infatuation stage), but as with anything: It will get easier with practice, and patience. So practice (with) patience!

Random Acts of Kindness For The Earth

Here are some gift ideas for our Earth this Christmas (and the rest of the year of course). If we are all mindful of these things, we can make a huge difference! These are also fun challenges to set for the New Year, in case you are looking for rewarding and meaningful New Year's resolutions. And a hidden bonus: a gift to the earth is always a gift to yourself as well. 

1. Don't buy gifts this Christmas; or even stop buying stuff altogether
This is one of the most effective ways to help the earth, with many personal rewards (financial, emotional, mental and spiritual). Instead of giving gifts, you can give your time, love, attention and affection to show how much you care. Or get creative and make some gifts!
If you want a more hardcore challenge and an even bigger positive impact and reward, see the Stop shopping Challenge for more details on how to get started, and the entire section on moneyless living on this blog. Most societies throw away enough for you to live comfortably without ever spending any money. It includes all you need (food, clothes, etc) and even all the things you don't really need.

2. Appreciate nature
Most of us take our beautiful planet and all of its resources for granted most of the time, because we are not in tune (=disconnected) and get too distracted by other (trivial) matters. So go outside and enjoy the fresh air, the trees, the flowers, animals, insects, and everything else that makes our home planet unique.

3. Check out the environmental footprint of your next or latest purchase
The result may surprise you. For example, some of the clothes we buy have a huge environmental impact. Did you know that it takes about 1800 gallons of water to grow enough cotton to make just one pair of jeans? The production of clothes also contributes quite significantly to air pollution and the pollution of rivers. That’s a good reason to shop second-hand. I have not bought more than 5 new clothing items (including shoes/excluding underwear) in the last 20 years. I think that is doable for everyone with all the great secondhand shops everywhere. Clothing swaps are another option if you like to update your wardrobe regularly.
When checking the environmental impact of a product, make sure you include all steps of the process: pre-production, production, distribution, delivery, consumption (including durability and environmental impacts of using the item) and waste (e.g. packaging/non-recyclable parts). If you still want or need the product, there may be ways to reduce your environmental footprint by choosing a different brand/company, or making it yourself.

4. Reduce your dependence on utility companies, or move off the grid (eventually)
You can save water by having shorter showers (or keeping your body clean by swimming in the ocean / river / lake), hand-washing your clothes, and growing plants that suit your local climate (and don't need as much water). If you are looking for lifestyle changes rather than one-off random acts of kindness, you can even take steps towards moving off the grid, or practice being more self-sufficient. For example, you could start collecting rain water and use it to water your veggie garden.

5. Ride your bicycle or walk
European cars emit around 120 grams of CO2 per kilometer. You can save one pound of CO2 for each mile. Plus cycling and walking are way more fun and good for your health! I will write a post about the joys of walking and cycling soon.

6. Pick up trash when you see it
Always carry a bag to gather trash you may find on your way. You may even find usable stuff! You can find the strangest things out in the wild.

7. Consider your diet
Aim for locally-grown, organic, in season, unpackaged and mostly plant-based foods. It's good for the earth, and good for you.

More ideas to live an environmentally friendly lifestyle can be found here and more information about reducing your environmental footprint can be found here. Or get inspired by this list with more  Random acts of kindness (probably a bit more random than the ideas in this post).

Let me know if anything is missing from the list, or what your commitment will be this Christmas / for the upcoming year / the rest of your life.

💚 Happy holidays! 💚

Steps For Creating A Vision Board: Reshaping Your Life

When we are clear on what we really want out of life, the universe will suddenly align in new, unexpected and mysterious ways to make things happen that previously might have seemed unattainable, highly unlikely or simply impossible. Even before I created my first vision board, I have seen this principle (of the Determined Mind) work its magic in countless areas of my life (job opportunities, travels, dumpster finds, the entire journey to moneyless living, etc). Now I am also starting to see that a vision board can serve as a great (daily) reminder of our hopes, dreams and priorities in life. It can help us remain focused on what we truly want rather than what we don't want, and it can also help us catch any self-sabotage, subconscious resistance, or doubts that might crop up (as well as blind spots, double standards and hypocrisy) so that we can nip them in the bud.

As with most things in life, the actual process of creating a vision board is far more powerful than the final product, because it brings us clarity along the way. A clear, uncluttered, conscious and determined mind is what we need to create the life of our imagination. It works because when we are clear on what we truly want and focus on those aspects of our lives, we no longer resist whatever else happens. When all our focus is on what truly matters to us - what makes us feel truly alive - then everything else pales into insignificance. It doesn't matter anymore. It falls away. It literally disappears from our world. If you no longer give it any attention, it ceases to exist. That is how you rebuild your world. You can starve the parts of your life that no longer serve you by just refocusing your attention on what matters to you most.

Attention is always selective, so it's not a matter of either focusing your attention or not. We are always in the process of creating a new world, whether we do it consciously or not. Therefore it is important to focus with awareness, so that you can create consciously. And a vision board is a great way to get started.

Here are my personal guidelines for creating a vision board:

1. Think about what you really, really want. This is probably the hardest (and most important) part. Sometimes we think we want certain things, but upon closer inspection we just believe we want them. Maybe we really want something different. Also, sometimes we set the bar too low, due to limiting beliefs. What would you really want if there were no limitations? What makes your heart sing when you think about it? What would make you excited to be alive? How would you like to feel in this world? What kind of world would you like to live in?
Make sure you don't go for too much comfort. Remember that comfort kills growth. What would make all the pain worthwhile? What would make you forget about it altogether? If it's something you can find within your own heart, then that would be even better. No one can ever take that away.
2. Make a selection of your own favorite photos (and perhaps some from the Internet for things that haven't happened yet, or that you don't have suitable photos for); the ones that make you feel so enthusiastic and happy that you forget about everything else - even if just for a moment. Photos that make you laugh, or that remind you of good times or good qualities of yourself. Next, match those photos to the themes you selected for your vision board.
3. Write a detailed description of all the themes so that it is clear in your mind what you are going for. I kept adjusting the description until just reading the text made me feel enthusiastic and happy about the future. You can read the description I wrote for my themes in the second half of this post.
4. For each theme add affirmations, action steps and perhaps even powerful songs that make you feel happy, enthusiastic, empowered or peaceful - such as this one.
The most important steps to manifest your dreams are step 5 and 6:
5. Make sure your thoughts, words and actions are all in alignment with your goals. This helps you to stay mindful and alert of possible limiting beliefs that need to be worked through as well as self-sabotage (e.g. inaction).
6. Completely let go of any outcome and realize that your life is already wonderful as it is. Enjoy the process of becoming.
Whenever I look at my vision board - because of the happy pictures I have chosen - I am reminded how great my life has already been so far and I would not want to waste a moment of it by focusing on what *might* be missing. If you focus on what is missing in your life, you actually miss everything that is already right here, right now, making your life wonderful. Looking at my vision board I also feel excited about what's yet to come - on such a deep level that I know and feel that I would not want to settle for anything less than the highest vision (depicted on the board). If it were to require some time to materialize, it would be so worth the wait - no matter how long it would take. And even if my dreams would never materialize at all, it still wouldn't matter because I am living my truth authentically. This is what life is about for me. Time no longer matters when you have chosen your highest vision. When even time loses its significance, looking at the vision board makes you feel like you are already there, celebrating your life as what you envisioned. And when your mind is no longer in the way, that is the truth.
7. Review your board from time to time and change it as you change.

Creating a personal vision board is a fun, empowering and freeing experience. The mind is a powerful force. It is important to remember that. Therefore, take it seriously, and spend some contemplative time on the first step. Your focus can literally change the world. If we make our focus too narrow or focus on things that only benefit ourselves, we run the risk of becoming blind for others' experiences, and others' suffering. However, if we focus on creating values that benefit all beings, then we can transform the world together.

Making A Vision Board

For the past few weeks I have been suffering from a broken heart. I 'met' someone online and we had a great connection: shared ideals, shared plans for the future, similar values, great communication and a shared passion for self-sufficient lifestyles. Due to living in different parts of the world we hadn't met in person yet but we talked via chat and on Skype. And then suddenly everything changed. I am not sure what happened. Maybe the excitement wore off for him, or maybe he was afraid of taking the next step (meeting), or maybe there was someone else in his life. I don't know. All I know is that it was over. He never actually told me why or what happened. He just found ways to shut down all communication between us, and after a few months of trying to reconnect (and merely getting vague and indirect answers) I think I have to conclude that he no longer wishes to be a part of my life. I will never know what might have been.

Of course, rationally, I can tell myself this is a good thing. After all, it would be much easier to be with someone who wants to share with me what is going on for him, even when this is difficult to do. Situations and feelings can always change, but when things are not working out as you hoped then it's fair to let the other person know so that they can either do something about it or move on with their lives, instead of leaving them hanging - and guessing - for months. So rationally I understand this wasn't such a good match after all. But still, it hurt.
A lot.

I contemplated what it was that made it so difficult for me to let go this time and I realized there were three things:

1. For me, meeting someone who has similar ideas and values and who actually wants to create a similar kind of lifestyle is a rare event. From this it is easy to conclude that perhaps there aren't many people who have similar life goals to mine, but it could also mean that I don't meet enough people and/or that I go to the wrong places to meet them. On top of that - as I wrote in my previous blog post - I move around a lot, which makes it difficult to build and maintain lasting friendships. So it will be important for me to start meeting more like-minded people; not just people who live far away, but also people who live nearby. And the more people I meet, the bigger the chance that some of them will have similar values, goals and dreams.

2. At least some of the time I doubt whether the kind of person I would like to share my life with exists at all (and whether they are within my reach). The first part of this is connected with the previous point: because I believe that I am looking for a rare combination of qualities. But maybe this is just a matter of being in the wrong crowd. Also, I have to remind myself that it is not necessary to find many people like this - just one will do.

3. Another subconscious belief that came to the surface is that sometimes I feel like I am not good enough as I am, or that I somehow have to earn love; that I am not lovable just the way I am. In those moments, I feel like I have to convince others that I am worthy of love. Of course when someone loses interest, it reinforces the story - even though it probably has nothing to do with me.

These realizations finally motivated me to create my First Ever Vision Board to help me focus on shifting these tendencies, and it was SO much fun! I highly recommend it :) You can use a program like Vision Board Builder. I started off with a colorful wallpaper image to get the beautiful background colors, and layered the other images over the top.

Here's a breakdown of my vision board:

LOVE (and friends)
For me, 'practicing life' is about unconditional love, towards myself and others. Universal love goes beyond preferences and all other types of judgments. Love is joy in its purest form. It is a practice; a way of life. 'Issues' that come up in relationships with others can teach me what I haven't realized yet about myself, or show me what I have to let go of.
Love is free: free of attachment and free of demands. Love is connection, sharing and openness. Love is about being myself around others, getting comfortable being uncomfortable for the sake of personal growth. Love is about bringing out the best in each other, and looking for the best in everyone I meet. It is about bringing joy into other people's lives, because I know and support others' deepest wishes and desires and support them as much as I support my own, without the imposition of my own agenda. It is about honest self-expression, and therefore also about listening with compassion when others share their world with me. All of this starts with knowing myself, accepting myself, and loving myself- not superficially, but unconditionally.
Romantic love brings two people together who want to explore the depths of self-growth and unconditional love, and share the best and the worst of life's experiences with each other in order to learn and grow. Together they build a strong bond so that they can take each other to higher/deeper levels, explore all facets of life together and be each other's mirror and inspiration.

TRUST
Without trust there can be no love and without love it is difficult to trust. The trust I am talking about is a fundamental (and therefore unshakable) kind of trust: a deep knowing that whatever will happen is what needs to happen. Moreover, knowing that what happens is always the best possible outcome. Trusting that life will always bring me what I need and even what I ultimately want, even if I don't realize it at the time. And trusting that everything that happens in my life is designed to bring me happiness and freedom. Everything is a gift. So far this has always been true for me - without exceptions. It just takes me a while to realize it sometimes.

PEACE
Inner peace is the absence of stress. When I experience stress, I look to my mind to see what causes it. When I experience peace, I can see that I am connected with truth - in the flow of the present moment without resistance or attachment - free to respond naturally and spontaneously. Even the slightest amount of stress is my wake-up call. Peace is always present inside and stress is always caused by me. That is empowering knowledge. I can choose peace at any time. 

CREATIVITY
We are always creating, but what we are creating depends on our inner states. When we have trust, inner peace and an awareness of love, then our creations reflect that. Creation is perhaps one of the most magnificent wonders of life, because it can be a way to shine a light for others, simply by expressing what is true for you in the moment and what is important to you.

In my experience, gratitude is not something that needs direct focus because it results from living in a harmonious and present state of mind. Trying to ‘be grateful’ doesn’t work, because you are trying to get an effect without putting in the required ingredients first (or more precisely: without doing the work that is required to uncover it). It might feel inauthentic or forced. I only included it as a measure for progress. I also included fun and health, because sometimes I particularly forget about those two aspects of my life. It serves to remind me to check whether I am eating healthy foods and whether I am making time to play and have fun. It is important not to take yourself too seriously at least some of the time.

The picture in the center of the board is one of my favorite pictures of me because it represents all of the aspects that are important to me in one single image. I added the Tarot card on Wednesday when I did a past-present-future spread which gave me the 10 of cups as my card for the future. That happens to be one of my favorite Tarot cards and it fits very well with the themes on the vision board.


If you have a vision board as well, I would love to see yours!

Back To Square One: Planning The Future

As most of you already know, I have just moved back to the Netherlands after spending almost 3 years in Norway. This was probably the longest period of time I have spent in one place in a long, long time. Since I was 18 years old, I have moved 32 times between 26 different addresses, across 7 different countries (or 8 if you count Northern Ireland as separate from England) and 3 continents. It was self-imposed and I used to enjoy every move - and still do to some degree. It keeps me from accumulating too much stuff, it is exciting and brings new adventures, it allows me to start over each time and therefore live in the moment more, and it helps me to gain new perspectives and to see the world through new eyes.

Nevertheless, there are also some downsides to long-term travel and living a rootless life, and for the past five or six years these have been coming to the forefront more and more. It can be challenging to maintain close friendships, or to experience a sense of belonging. Even though I can easily feel at home anywhere in the world, I also feel like I am an alien everywhere I go. I belong everywhere and nowhere. Each time I move to a new place it is a little less exciting and more exhausting to start up my life yet again, because I know it is just temporary and I will have to start all over again after just a few years. Saying good-bye to some of the wonderful people I meet along the way and grow to love and respect also gets more difficult each time. Sometimes I feel like an outcast, even though so far it has been mostly by choice.

I feel like it is time for a new phase in my life: a phase where I start to put down some serious roots, settle down, meet people (and really get to know them) and fully commit to building up my life in one place. To me, that feels quite a way outside my comfort zone because in a world that offers no certainties, my sense of security has come from remaining unbound and free. But at the same time that also brings a constant restlessness to my life; a sense of always being on the run (even when I am not).

So the next step in my rewilding adventure will be to build my own self-sufficient home, preferably in an environment where money and ownership are entirely absent (in the wild) or where I could more easily forget about those concepts (on my 'own' piece of land - which would be the next best thing if living in the wild would somehow not be an option). Therefore, the next time I move I am intending to stay for a while; maybe even forever. I will pluck up the courage to put down some firm roots, build solid friendships, and start living my dream: creating a self-sufficient, sustainable environment where I can live in harmony with nature, possibly with room for others to join me. No more waiting for the perfect time, the perfect people to show up around me or the perfect circumstances. Life offers no guarantees. I may be uprooted once again through circumstance, but I can always re-plant myself, and it may even be easier the second time.

The planning phase starts now. The first step will be to decide which country is best suited for me to build an eco-home, grow foods year-round and build a small community (whether in the wilderness or not). At the moment I am considering Norway and France as viable options, or perhaps further afield…

(If you have any advice for me, please let me know!)

Much love to you all. <3

What It Means To Be Successful

Success is often described in material terms. Society seems to prescribe it in terms of whether you own your own home, have a (nice) car, have a well-paid job, etc. If you don’t have a job or one that barely pays the bills, then it seems you can’t be successful according to society’s standards.

However, what matters is not how society defines success, or how your parents or friends define it. It matters how you define it. This is the only measure of success that you need to determine whether you have succeeded in life or not. It also doesn't have to be an end goal far into the future: it can be something you can achieve in any moment, over and over.

'How do I define success?' is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves, because it can help us remain true to ourselves and true to our path when hard times arise and we have to make tough decisions. Our definitions of success change and evolve over time, because life changes and situations change as well, and our perspectives may change as a result of that. In my experience, it usually becomes simpler as we get older and wiser. We realize that success really isn’t that complicated (which doesn't mean it is always easy), and that we really don’t need that much to live a meaningful, happy and fulfilling life. We realize that it is more (or even entirely) about what happens on the inside rather than about what happens around us. That realization is success in itself - if freedom is important to you.

For me, a definition of success is only meaningful if it is something that I can achieve at any time (no matter what happens). It is about prioritizing what matters most to me at that point in time. It is always about me, because I can’t decide for others, or dictate what situations may come my way. Defining success as a personal quality that I want to develop not only makes life simpler and more enjoyable, it also helps me to see the perfection of life because everything that happens is an opportunity for me to learn and to practice. I can start over in every moment. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed. It doesn't matter. I get to practice.

Have you noticed that the challenges that come to you are always the right ones? And that the people who show up in your life (and leave again) also bring you exactly what you need?

*****

How do you measure success in your life? What does being successful mean to you?

 

From 'Moneyless Living' To 'Rewilding'

Lately I have noticed that I have started to cross the fine line between having guiding principles in the service of learning about a new way of life, and having rules and dogma. The aims for moneyless living and caring for the environment have slowly progressed from being an ideal I live out, to something I put on myself rigidly and sternly. Here is how to tell the difference, why it is harmful and how we can prevent it from happening.

Rules versus guidelines
The crossing of this line becomes apparent when we start saying things like: "I will NEVER do this or that again". You cannot know what you will do, and saying things like this limits personal freedom and prevents you from doing what's right for you in the moment. It takes you out of presence and into a future that doesn't exist. Examples are: "I will never use money ever again". I have said this, although I can't know what I will do in the future; I only know what my intentions are right now. I also found there is a lot of disagreement between what people consider "using money" and "living without money". It all depends on one's definition. Of course I know what I mean by it, but it is hard to convey to others without getting wordy (after all, it involves an entire mindset). In trying to explain it, the message usually gets lost.
People often end up disagreeing with some parts of my 'moneyless' definition: For example, they argue I am still using electricity, water and internet that was paid for. I am still receiving a salary (even though I am not using it). I am still using products that required production and that have been paid for (such as my laptop from uni). And I am still using roads and other public services. To them it doesn't matter that contribution can take another form than the standard financial form. It doesn't seem to count.
To make matters worse, I am planning some trips (before I start the nomadic journey) that will be financed through my PhD travel budget. Does that mean I will be using money? Probably, yes, at least indirectly. But to me the answer to this question doesn't really matter, because living without money is not (and has never been) the end goal; it is just something that helps me to get in touch with my true goal (presence and awareness) on a daily basis. And that is all that matters. However, lately (after a series of negative comments on various Facebook pages and constantly getting the same questions about this lifestyle) I have allowed myself to get drawn into explaining myself over and over (and over), which brought me closer to the realm of the 'rules' mentality.
I find myself thinking about "money" more often, and questioning whether I live entirely moneyless or not. And while reflection from time to time is really helpful and beneficial, preoccupation is not.




What's in the name?
When I gave up the use of money in my daily life, it was freeing because I no longer had to worry about money. I simply didn't have to think about it anymore. I still don't have to think about it, because I can survive just fine without it - no matter what happens. This is what appealed to me about this lifestyle. It freed up a lot of mental space to focus on other - more important - things. However, with all the comments I kept getting about what 'moneyless' means and what it is and is not to other people, I still got drawn into thinking about money all the time. Yet this is what I wanted to leave behind.
Some people have suggested the problem largely lies in the term that I use: moneyless. It keeps bringing money into the conversation simply because it is part of the description. I think they have a valid point. So I have thought about other terms that cover the journey I am on succinctly - preferably in just one word. I think the closest term that fits is 'rewilding': the process of getting back to nature and letting go of artificial rules and structures (including, but definitely not limited to, money). From now on I hope to remember to use this term more frequently instead.


What happens next?
Does this mean I am giving up living moneyless? No, probably not. Does it mean I will never use the term moneyless again? No, probably not that either. It has no real practical, outward implications; I am just no longer going to identify as a 'moneyless person'. Instead of labeling myself, it is enough for me to know what it means to me. I am also going to be less preoccupied and (mentally) radical with following some kind of ideal - I am not going to burden myself with rules and limitations. Life is about living, and freedom and peace of mind are my main priorities.
I am also not going to explain myself all the time and explain what "moneyless" means to me, as I have done way too much in the recent past when people kept telling me why my lifestyle was not 'moneyless enough' for them and why it should not be called that. Genuine questions can get a genuine answer, but comments are not questions. I am getting tired of explaining myself, mainly because it doesn't matter - it is not the essence of my journey at all. It is not important whether I use some things that others have paid for or not. The point is to become aware and to experience life from a new perspective: perhaps a more connected and pure way. Making it into a strict rule or dogma would defeat the entire purpose of the practice.

In reality, life has only one rule:  
There are no rules.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today it is my dad's birthday and I would like to honor him by sharing some of the great things he has taught me. I would not be the same person without him!

Thank you dad, I love you! <3

Dad visiting me in Australia

Honesty is most important
There is no one in the world I trust as much as my dad. He always tells me the truth, because he has nothing to hide. He lives a life true to himself. Anyone who does that, has no need to be dishonest. There is nothing to gain from it. This is the type of person I also try to be in every moment. It is my main priority, because I have experienced the benefits of this way of life too. It is not even about other people; it is mostly about being honest with myself. After all, I am the one who has to live with the things that I say and do. Being honest just makes life so much easier.

The importance of backing up words with actions
I can give many examples of things my dad has done that show that he favors actions over merely words, especially when it comes to the things that are important to him. This does not just apply to big decisions, but also to small, everyday actions. He is a man you can count on. He is there when people need him and he gives the best advice. He keeps his promises and lives his life according to his values as best as he can at all times. When he realizes that something goes against his values, he simply stops doing  it. Actions are the foundations of words; not the other way around. I realize now how rare (and valuable) this quality is, and I am always grateful when I meet other people like this.
Dad has often reminded me of the importance of actions, for example whenever he noticed that my actions didn't match my words or when some of my actions were not in line with my values. He has done so all my life and he still does so if necessary, so I've had a lifetime of practice. In this way, my dad has taught me to be mindful, reflective and to take responsibility for my words and actions: to live life with integrity (and true to myself).

If you want something and it doesn’t exist yet (or it is not allowed); create it.
My dad was always fascinated by cars and of course he wanted his own. But he was only a little boy, so he did not have the money to buy one and he didn't even have a driver's license. So he built his own car, with the help of his father, when he was 6 years old. It was made from some leftover car parts and had an electrical motor. He kept refining it and perfecting it until he was about 16. When he was 12 he made his first car with a petrol-driven motor. So my dad had a lot of driving experience when he was finally legally allowed to drive (at age 18).

My dad's first self-built electric car! In this picture he was around 7 or 8

Never give up on your dreams; if you want it, you can achieve it
It is almost like my dad never has any doubts when I share my dreams with him. Sometimes of course he has some concerns or tips regarding practicalities, but he believes in the power of will. If you really want something and if the goal is worthwhile and meaningful, then you will achieve it; there is just no question. That is how my dad also lives his life. He never doubted any of his dreams, and he achieved them all, despite what anyone else thought. I guess it also helps that my dad knows how to keep it simple. He knows that he doesn't need much to be happy. His main dream was to own a small company and run a business making something useful. He achieved this goal in his early forties, even though it was a tough road.
Nobody else believed that he could ever make it: his teachers had given up on him very early on because he was more interested in the occasional fly that landed on his desk than what the teacher was saying. His parents also weren't sure he would ever amount to anything because he was doing so poorly at school. They made him change schools six times, but to no avail. Dad just didn't care much for traditional ways of learning. He has a gift for technical work though, and building things from scratch. Dad knew this all along - which is why he never worried about his future. He knew he would be okay. After all, he was already the proud owner of a car at the tender age of 6. Not many people can make such a claim.

The first car he didn't build himself: A Triumph Herald

Don’t be afraid to work hard for something you really want – and don’t lose sight of what is important in the process
My dad is retired now, but he has always been a hard worker. He never worked for the money, but simply because he enjoys the process of creating things. He worked as a dental technician for all his life. He never counted his hours and often worked 16 hours a day (sometimes more); often with some additional hours on the weekends. He never requested any extra pay for overtime (and never got any), because money was not his main priority.
The extra hours were often necessary due to problems with other staff (prolonged sickness; holidays) while the workload remained the same. My dad is a pragmatic and reliable person so he would always make sure that the work got done; finishing one thing at a time. Of course he got the position of manager soon enough and took over the business several years later. All the while he kept working long hours; making sure that everyone else could always go home in time. And he never complained about it.

The importance of giving
My dad never wanted much for himself. He is happy living a simple life and appreciates the little things. He doesn’t need a lot of stuff and would rather give to others than get a lot of stuff for himself. He was like that even as a little boy. When he was young (around seven years old) he won a competition and he got to choose between several prizes. He chose a sewing kit. Everybody laughed at him because it was a 'girly' choice and his classmates (as well as the teacher) made fun of him for weeks. However, the reason he chose it was because his sister was ill at the time and he was hoping that giving her an unexpected gift might cheer her up.

Having fun watching mum when she is politely declining
the offers of overzealous sales-people

Stand up for what you believe in
My dad is a man of principle. He would never do anything if he didn’t support it on some level, and he expects the same from others. He is not afraid to say no, but he only says it when something goes against his values. If not, then he is always ready to help anyone who may need it.
When my dad was 24 years old, he had to go into the army (it was compulsory at the time). It was a place he had no intention of going to because he does not believe in war, but there were only a few ways to get out of it: one was to get married, one to get imprisoned and the final one was failing the physical or mental tests. Even though my mum and dad were already dating at the time, they decided they wanted to get married for the right reasons and at a time that felt right for them. So my dad went for the final option.
He still gave the army a try for one week, but after that he was extremely certain he wanted nothing to do with it. He stopped eating and started feigning other psychological symptoms. He was relieved from his duties immediately and put under investigation. After three months of thorough investigations and examinations (and losing too much weight due to the ongoing self-starvation), he was free to go. During the process of investigations he was coached by his brother (a psychologist), who gave him useful tips on how to respond to the inquisitions. After he was 'released', he got a permanent mark on his records of his 'disability' and he was warned by government officials that he would never get another job with this. My dad took the chance anyway.
Of course nobody ever cared about it afterwards and the subject was never brought up again (even though it is still on his records to this day). I am very proud of my dad for taking a stand against the army despite the threats and pressure to comply, and for not caring about what others would think or what the consequences would be. Freedom is worth fighting for; borders are not! 

Stand by your own side
You can stand strong by yourself; you don’t need others on your side to stand stronger. If you know how to support yourself no matter what, you will be invincible.
I remember an event that happened when I was very young (perhaps around 6 or 7 years old). I was buying second-hand horse magazines from another child, and we were trying to get to a deal. I was telling her how much I wanted to spend, and the girl said how much she was expecting to get; the typical bargaining one learns early on. Of course we did not entirely agree and the girl quickly asked her mum. Mum got involved and gave some advice on pricing. I still did not agree. The girl kept checking with her mum and eventually we reached an agreement. Afterwards I asked my dad why he didn’t get involved to support me. And he said that he was so proud of me that I didn’t ask his help. He said that I was in a much stronger position because I did not show any doubt and merely expressed my own wishes and beliefs, without involving anyone else. That was a much stronger argument than that of the other girl. He did not want to interfere and ruin that. Even though it was a small incident, it was a defining moment in my life, because my dad gave me a completely different perspective on the situation, which taught me self-respect.
My dad has always believed in me, especially at times when I did not believe in myself (or anything else) anymore. He has always reminded me (and he still does) of my worth and my talents, and the difference I can make in the world. We all have this ability to make a difference. None of us is more special or more talented than another; we just have different kinds of talents. That is the main reason why it is so important to find your passion. Passion is what can - and does!- change the world!

My dad's new-and-improved car (fuel-driven) when he was about 14

Never lose your sense of humor
My dad makes the best jokes in the world, because they are always clever and never mean or cheap (they don't involve bringing down people, subgroups or any other form of life). They are mostly situational, or puns. He is really funny and it is catchy. When I am with my dad, he brings out the best in me and we have the best of times.
Dad has never lost his sense of humor, throughout his life. Even when he was in hospital after suffering a brain aneurysm and we all thought he was going to die, he was still making people around him laugh and changing the hospital into a more cheerful place. Sometimes I take life too seriously, but when I talk to my dad, I am reminded that life is better with a sense of humor. It puts everything in perspective.

Laughing at dad's funny comments. Pure joy! :D

Loyalty and standing up for others (justice)
My dad is a loyal friend who will always have your back and stick up for people when necessary. When my dad started working at 18 or 19 years old, his boss was complaining to all the employees that it was all so expensive. He was paying for the employees to get their training and then they were also requesting a pay rise (minimum wage had just gone up).
This made my dad angry because the boss was a wealthy man who should really not complain about such matters to his staff, so my dad decided to make a statement. He requested a talk with his boss in his office and said that he didn't want the raise if the boss was going to complain about it to everyone and blame his staff members, because my dad had never personally asked for it in the first place. The boss then admitted that that was not possible, because the government forced him to pay this amount. Dad told him that he shouldn't be complaining about it then, and left the office to get back to work.

Tolerance
Dad taught me to be respectful of others, because you never know their full story, even if you think they told you. You can never know people's intentions, or their hopes and dreams, because you are not them. But there is one thing that unites all of us: We all want freedom, happiness and we want to matter. We want to be acknowledged and respected as human beings. We want to belong. And if we keep this in mind, the world is a very friendly place indeed.

There are always inspiring people around us and we can learn from all of them. My dad has always been my hero, and I have discovered many other inspiring people who have taught me various things as well. Different people can teach you different skills and perspectives, and we can take bits and pieces from everyone we meet and combine them to build up our own perfect self; in line with our personal truths, beliefs and values.

May you find inspiration in your fellow beings!

Let me know in the comments who has inspired you and what you learned!

(NL) Interview door Maaike Wijnstra (Dutchies)

Hierbij het volledige interview met Maaike Wijnstra, waarvan een samenvatting is gepubliceerd op haar blog.

For the English version, click here.

Naam: Liselotte Roosen
Leeftijd: 34
Woonplaats: Trondheim, Noorwegen
Sinds: 28 September 2014

Persoonlijk

Hoe ben je terecht gekomen in Noorwegen? Bijvoorbeeld de eerste keer dat je er kwam.
Begin 2014 raakte ik mijn baan als psycholoog kwijt wegens longontsteking door burnout en besloot ik iets nieuws te gaan doen met mijn leven. Ik wilde niet meer als psycholoog aan de slag. In augustus 2014 kreeg ik twee banen tegelijk aangeboden: één als docent psychologie aan de vrouwenuniversiteit van Riyad en de andere als PhD kandidaat environmental psychology (climate change & art) in Trondheim, Noorwegen. Na lang nadenken en afwegen (het was een moeilijke keuze) werd het uiteindelijk Noorwegen, omdat ik hoopte met een PhD daarna ook weer meer kansen te hebben.

Waarom heb je besloten naar Noorwegen te verhuizen? (en wat gaf voor jou de doorslag)
Ik wist sowieso dat ik niet in Nederland wilde blijven. In Nederland mis ik de ruimte, de natuur en de bergen. Er zijn teveel mensen, er is teveel vervuiling en er zijn teveel regels voor alles (red tape). En het weer vind ik ook al niet geweldig, hoewel ik daarvoor ook niet naar Noorwegen had hoeven gaan. De winters zijn hier erg lang, koud en donker. Dus daardoor heb ik nog wel even getwijfeld. Maar ik ging hier vooral naartoe voor de (tijdelijke) baan (een contract van 3 jaar). Tijdelijk past goed bij mij want ik houd van verandering (dus daarna kan ik altijd nog naar Riyad als ik dat echt zou willen). Ik ging dus vooral voor de baan en niet zozeer voor het land, hoewel bijna alles beter is dan in Nederland, maar dat geldt voor bijna elk land in mijn optiek.

Wat vindt je de voor- en nadelen van Noorwegen ten opzichte van Nederland?
De voordelen zijn de ruimte wegens de lage bevolkingsdichtheid, de bergen en de (relatief schone) natuur. De nadelen zijn lange, koude, donkere winters, maar dat is niet alleen in vergelijking met Nederland, maar met alle landen waar ik gewoond heb. Ook vind ik het relatief moeilijk om echt in contact te komen met mensen hier en vriendschappen te sluiten. Ik heb hier ook moeite met het vinden van gelijkgestemden. Dat is wel eens lastig, maar mijn blog helpt hier wel bij.

Heb je het idee dat er daar meer begrip is voor jouw levensstijl dan in NL?
Nee, dat denk ik niet... hoewel ik het moeilijk kan vergelijken omdat ik mijn nieuwe levensstijl (leven zonder geld) pas echt heb doorgezet hier in Noorwegen. Wel lijkt het dat de mensen in Nederland over het algemeen zich meer bewust zijn van milieuproblematiek dan hier. Misschien is dat juist doordat er zo weinig natuur over is in Nederland (minder dan 12%) en mensen het daardoor meer willen beschermen. Uiteraard helpt het ook als mensen gereisd hebben naar andere landen met meer natuur en daardoor weten wat ze missen.

Leven zonder geld

Hoe kwam je in aanraking met de no money leefstijl?
Ik kwam op het idee doordat ik was begonnen met dumpster diving, voordat ik naar Noorwegen kwam. Dat beviel zo goed, dat ik ermee door bleef gaan en behoorlijk fanatiek werd. Vervolgens begon ik het idee van ‘leven van overschotten’ op steeds meer aspecten van mijn leven toe te passen. Zo kwam ik uiteindelijk terecht op 100% zonder uitgaven. Pas toen ik mijn blog gestart had, hoorde ik via lezers van mijn blog over anderen die ook zo leefden: met name Daniel Suelo en Mark Boyle. Ik hoop hen nog ooit te mogen ontmoeten.

Op welke manier ben je er mee begonnen? / Wat zijn de eerste praktische aanpassingen die je hebt gedaan?
De eerste stap was het dumpster diven en die stap was geinspireerd door Rob Greenfield. Ik volgde hem al zo’n twee jaar via Facebook en vond zijn levensstijl heel inspirerend omdat hij in alles zijn passies volgt en daardoor vrij is, in tegenstelling tot de gemiddelde mens die denkt dat hij/zij moet werken voor de kost en een huis moet hebben. Dit idee wordt ons min of meer opgelegd van jongs af aan en ik denk dat dat er (mede) toe leidt dat veel mensen hun echte dromen al snel opgeven en zelfs vergeten.

Wanneer besloot je het naar het volgende niveau te tillen en echt zonder geld te willen leven?
Eind november 2014 besloot ik de uitdaging aan te gaan om volledig zonder uitgaven te leven (met uitzondering van huur), omdat ik zag dat het kon. En kort daarop (begin zomer 2015) bedacht ik dat ik ook kon proberen om gratis woonruimte te vinden. Rond augustus 2015 vond ik een gezin waar ik gratis bij mocht komen wonen. En vanaf 1 october 2015 leefde ik volledig zonder uitgaven. Na 3 maanden verhuisde ik naar een boerderij waar ik mijn eigen cabin heb, met een badkamer en keuken naast de paardenstallen.

Wat zijn de eerste dingen waarvan je je realiseerde dat je die niet nodig had?
Het begon ermee dat ik me realiseerde dat ik dingen niet hoef te kopen. Alles wat te koop is in supermarkten is ook te vinden in de dumpsters. Ook schoonmaakmiddelen en hygieneproducten. Zelfs (werkende) oplaadbare batterijen en opladers heb ik gevonden. Maar de challenge heeft mij ook de vraag doen stellen of ik zonder zou kunnen, of wat ik zou doen als ik zonder zou komen te zitten. En dan blijkt eigenlijk dat we maar heel weinig dingen echt nodig hebben. Zo ontdekte ik dat men wasmiddel niet nodig heeft om was schoon te krijgen. Ook de meeste hygiene producten zijn volledig overbodig en zelfs schadelijk voor het lichaam en het milieu. En recent ben ik tot de conclusie gekomen dat we ook voedsel van de supermarkten niet echt nodig hebben en dat er veel voedzamer eten te vinden is in de vrije natuur. En uiteraard beperkt het zich niet tot produkten: ik weet nu bijvoorbeeld ook dat ik geen baan nodig heb – en dat is misschien wel het meest bevrijdende.

Kun je kort omschrijven wat voor jou de kern is van leven zonder geld?
In het begin ging het mij er vooral om dat ik niet meer wilde bijdragen aan verwoesting van de aarde door mijn aankoopgedrag. Bijvoorbeeld, als ik een ananas koop in Noorwegen, dan weet ik dat deze lang heeft moeten reizen en dat ik dus bijdraag aan de vervuiling die daarmee gepaard gaat. Of als ik kleding koop, dan ondersteun ik daarmee waarschijnlijk lage lonen, uitbuiting van mensen, misschien zelfs kinderarbeid en wederom een hele hoop vervuiling. Als ik niet-biologische produkten koop, dan weet ik dat ik daarmee bijdraag aan het uitsterven van bijen, waardoor een heleboel plantensoorten zullen verdwijnen. Ik wilde dat niet langer op mijn geweten hebben. En omdat ik zag dat er zoveel voedsel (en andere produkten) verspild wordt, zag ik hoe ik eindelijk uit die destructieve cyclus kon stappen. Daarnaast was het ook mooi meegenomen dat ik geld kon sparen om in de toekomst een ecohuis te bouwen of een ecodorp te kunnen starten.
Toen ik eenmaal geldloos leefde merkte ik dat het nog véél meer voordelen had, die allemaal voortkomen uit het ontwikkelen van een nieuwe kijk op de wereld. Geld promoot een voor-wat-hoort-wat mentaliteit. Als je zonder geld leeft (zonder uitgaven) dan kun je daar langzaamaan van loskomen en dan merk je hoeveel impact dat heeft op alles wat je doet. Want die mindset is bij veel mensen in bijna alles doorgedrongen.

Wat is je uiteindelijke doel?
Voor mijzelf is het doel ultieme vrijheid en mijn missie op grotere schaal is het aandacht geven aan de verwoesting waar we allemaal aan bijdragen. Hopelijk kan ik mensen inspireren om veranderingen in levensstijl te overwegen, of hen in elk geval laten zien dat er alternatieven mogelijk zijn. Veel mensen zien het leven zoals het is namelijk als de enige mogelijkheid. Ik dacht dat zelf ook voordat ik aan mijn projecten begon. En dat is heel deprimerend en ontmoedigend, vooral als je iets voor de aarde wil doen en je leven betekenis wil geven.

Je krijgt veel vragen over hoe je leeft zonder geld, maar toch gebruik maakt van faciliteiten waar andere mensen voor betalen. Wat is daarop je visie?
Het klopt dat ik nog steeds gebruik maak van bepaalde faciliteiten die door anderen zijn betaald. Ik gebruik bijvoorbeeld internet en water/electriciteit wat bekostigd wordt door de eigenaren van de boerderij waar ik nu woon. Verder maak ik gebruik van wegen en andere openbare structuren. Voor mij is het echter niet relevant dat hiervoor betaald is; dat maakt mijn geldloze bestaan niet minder geldloos. Mensen bedoelen namelijk vaak dat als je niet betaald en toch gebruikt maakt van dingen waarvoor betaald is, dat je een soort uitbuiter bent; iemand die leunt op anderen.
Het doel van mijn levenswijze is niet om alles voor niets te krijgen en mijn leven gemakkelijk te maken. Het doel is ook niet om alles alleen te doen of volledig onafhankelijk te worden (al zou ik genoeg kennis hebben om zonder hulp van anderen te overleven). Het doel is om los te komen van structuren en constructies die destructief zijn voor de aarde – en helaas is gebleken dat geld één van die dingen is.
Als iedereen zo zou leven als ik, dan zou dit punt er natuurlijk niet toe doen, want dan zou iedereen alles gratis doen. Mensen zouden hun steentje bijdragen aan de gemeenschap omdat ze belang hechten aan bepaalde zaken in plaats van puur om geld te verdienen. Helaas is mijn levensstijl echter nog niet zo algemeen dat mensen direct begrijpen wat het inhoudt. Veel mensen hebben er ook bepaalde (onjuiste) veronderstellingen en associaties bij.
Mensen lijken vaak angstig dat als er geen geld zou zijn, dat er dan veel meer mensen zouden zijn die hun steentje niet meer bijdragen en dus het harde werk van anderen uitbuiten. Ik denk dat dat niet zo is. Natuurlijk zullen er altijd mensen zijn die op anderen leunen en het systeem uitbuiten, met of zonder geld. Maar ik denk dat dat er juist minder zullen zijn als geld geen rol meer speelt. Dan zijn er namelijk veel meer natuurlijke (en directe) consequenties voor ineffectief gedrag. Bijvoorbeeld, als jouw leefgemeenschap in een gebied woont dat kan overstromen omdat het onder de zeespiegel ligt, dan moet je er als groep voor zorgen dat de dijken sterk genoeg blijven. Iedereen is dan gemotiveerd om daar aan bij te dragen, want het is een gemeenschappelijk belang. Als iedereen het aan anderen zou overlaten en er op den duur nog maar een paar mensen overblijven die het werk doen, dan zouden die daar op den duur ook genoeg van krijgen en zich gewoon elders vestigen. Er zijn dus veel eerder natuurlijke consequenties voor onbehulpzaam of egoistisch gedrag. Dat is veel eerlijker. In een samenleving met geld is er ook nog eens veel verborgen luiheid: mensen die simpelweg anderen betalen zodat ze zelf niks constructiefs hoeven te doen.

Momenteel heb je een baan en zet je al je geld opzij. Je wilt stoppen met werken eind 2017. Ben ik nieuwsgierig:
1.    Wat ga je met dat geld doen? Drie jaar salaris is toch een flink bedrag :)
Dat klopt :) Ik weet nog niet precies wat ik ga doen... Oorspronkelijk wilde ik het opsparen om daarna een stuk land te kopen om een eco-community te starten, maar door mijn nieuwe levensstijl en nieuwe inzichten ben ik daar niet meer zo zeker van. Als ik namelijk iets koop, dan zit ik weer vast aan kosten (en aan geld) en daar wilde ik juist van loskomen. Dus waarschijnlijk houd ik het achter de hand als een plan B maar ga ik eerst kijken hoe ik als nomade kan leven, volledig van de natuur.

2.    Wat ga je dan met je tijd doen?
Ik zou heel graag een tijdje als een nomade gaan leven, reizend naar veel verschillende plekken en onderweg leren over (en leven van) eetbare planten. Voor mijn volgende project ben ik van plan om van Noorwegen naar Spanje te reizen, ofwel te voet of te paard. Ik ben momenteel al op zoek naar een geschikt (gratis) paard. Paarden worden hier regelmatig gratis weggegeven, omdat het erg duur is om ze te onderhouden. De meeste paarden die worden weggegeven zijn gepensioneerde paarden uit de sport, of erg jonge en onervaren paarden. Ik heb in elk geval de mogelijkheid om hier een paard te stallen als ik een geschikte vind.
Ik zou ook graag naar andere landen reizen. Het lijkt mij bijvoorbeeld geweldig om een keer de zijderoute te doen. Dat lijkt me een geweldige ervaring! En onderweg kan ik dan gratis workshops en lezingen geven over alternatieve levensstijlen en geldloos leven. Dat is ook waar ik de rest van mijn leven graag aan zou willen wijden: het welzijn van de aarde en aan het promoten van een milieuvriendelijke levensstijl.

Wat is voor jou momenteel het lastigste aan deze levensstijl? Zijn er dingen waar je tegen aan loopt?
Gek genoeg is er niet echt iets wat ik kan bedenken wat lastig is aan deze levensstijl, behalve dan de groeiende angst dat de mensheid teveel natuur verwoest (en blijft verwoesten), wat mijn levensstijl en dat van vele andere levensvormen met mij, in steeds grotere mate bedreigt... zo moeten andere wezens zich denk ik ook voelen. Er blijft steeds minder ruimte over en steeds minder natuur. En het is de natuur die ons allemaal leven verschaft. Niet de supermarkt en niet de bedrijven en zeker al niet de staat/overheid.
Maar wat mij persoonlijk betreft, heb ik vooral gemerkt dat mijn leven zoveel simpeler en makkelijker geworden is en dat ik veel gelukkiger ben en me vrijer voel. Ik kan mij wel voorstellen dat als ik bijvoorbeeld ziek zou worden (of al een ziekte zou hebben) het misschien lastiger zou kunnen zijn. Maar ik verdiep me in elk geval in plantengeneeskunde en probeer zo goed mogelijk voor mijn lichaam te zorgen. Daarbij denk ik dat de doorsnee levensstijl veel slechter voor de gezondheid is dan de mijne, dus ook dat zou denk ik voor mij geen reden zijn om mijn droom op te geven. Ik zal er in elk geval alles aan doen om het voort te kunnen zetten, wat er ook gebeurt.

We zagen al op Facebook dat er best wat reacties loskomen wanneer jij aangeeft op deze manier te leven. Wat zijn de reacties uit je omgeving? En in het begin?
In het begin dachten de meesten dat ik mijn verstand verloren had :) maar dit veranderde gelukkig al snel. Toen bleek dat het allemaal mogelijk was wat ik van plan was, waren mijn vrienden en ouders vooral heel blijverrast en trots dat het gelukt was. Op Facebook zijn er gelukkig ook wel vaak positieve reacties, maar voor sommige mensen is het nog een stap te ver. Dat begrijp ik ergens ook wel, want voor mij is het ook een geleidelijk proces geweest, dus het is logisch als anderen (vooral als ze niet vanaf het begin hebben meegelezen) niet altijd begrijpen hoe je de dingen anders zou kunnen doen en interpreteren dan de gangbare manier.

Wat wil je zelf overdragen?
Ik zou heel graag zien dat wij (de mensheid) op een andere manier met de natuur omgaan. Dat we ons weer één voelen met het ecosysteem waarin we leven en dat we ons meer bewust worden van de resources waar we gebruik van maken. En ook dat we weer meer verantwoordelijkheid gaan nemen voor de gevolgen van ons eigen handelen, bijvoorbeeld door de aankopen die we doen. Ik zou graag zien dat mensen weer meer zelfvoorzienend worden, want dat zou de duurzaamheid op aarde ten goede komen. Ik zou graag zien dat we weer meer gaan denken aan de lange termijn in plaats van de gebruikelijke wegwerp-mindset. Dat we weer meer gaan kijken naar hoe we echt waardevol kunnen bijdragen aan de aarde, in plaats van alleen maar kijken naar financiele contributies. En dat dus het belang van de aarde weer voorop komt te staan in plaats van eigenbelang.
Ik denk dat geldloos leven een heel geschikte weg is om dit allemaal te bereiken. Als je namelijk de natuur weer als belangrijkste en primaire resource ziet (wat het ook is), dan ga je de natuur ook automatisch veel meer waarderen en beschermen.

Voor jou staat leven zonder geld gelijk aan vrijheid. Maar is het niet zo dat er juist veel mensen zijn die dat andersom zien? Dat ze met geld hun vrijheid ‘kopen’, doordat ze zich de dingen kunnen veroorloven die ze graag willen doen of bijvoorbeeld vroeg met pensioen kunnen?
Dat klopt inderdaad, en vroeger dacht ik dit ook. Maar nu zie ik dat het vooral een valkuil is; een truc om mensen aan het werk te houden. Natuurlijk kan je veel dingen doen als je geld hebt, maar ik kan diezelfde dingen ook zonder geld doen (vooral als het gaat om ervaringen). En daarnaast: wat is de prijs? Als ik diezelfde dingen zonder geld doe, dan hoef ik niet eerst te werken om geld te verdienen om het te kunnen bekostigen en dan heb ik dus ook de tijd om deze dingen daadwerkelijk uit te voeren. Met een full-time baan en hoge vaste lasten heb ik er misschien geld voor, maar geen tijd meer om alles te doen wat ik zou willen doen. Dan kun je alleen de dingen doen die je echt wilt in weekends en vakanties. Dat betekent dus dat je leven ineens een stuk korter wordt. Nu kan ik de dingen die ik belangrijk vind doen wanneer ik maar wil. Niet ooit in de verre toekomst als ik met pensioen ben, maar nu! Ik kan mijn hele leven er aan wijden.
Ik kan bijvoorbeeld nu direct met pensioen gaan als ik dat zou willen. Ik hoef daar niet jaren voor te sparen, want geld is geen noodzaak meer voor mij. Ik hoef ook niet jarenlang een baan aan te houden waar ik geen voldoening uit haal en waar ik voor mijn gevoel geen toegevoegde waarde mee bijdraag. Als niemand meer zou geloven dat geld een noodzaak was, dan zou niemand meer werk doen wat oninspirerend was. De wereld zou er dan heel anders uit zien!
Dan hoeven we geen werk meer te doen wat bijdraagt aan vervuiling van de aarde. In plaats daarvan kunnen we stoppen met werken en ons full-time inzetten voor het behoud van de natuur en andere dingen die we werkelijk belangrijk vinden.
Werken om met pensioen te kunnen is geen vrijheid. Het is uitgestelde vrijheid. En je weet nooit wanneer het precies zal komen. Als de regels weer eens veranderen (bijv. pensioengerechtigde leeftijd weer eens omhoog), dan duurt het misschien weer langer dan gepland, en je hebt het niet eens zelf in de hand. Iemand die vrij is, is niet gebonden aan regels. Wat de regels ook zijn, ik kan nog altijd met pensioen wanneer ik dat wil.
Dat is vrijheid.

Je geeft aan dat een leven zonder geld voor jou een leven zonder stress betekent. Hoe werkt dat? Want ik persoonlijk (en met mij waarschijnlijk de rest van de wereld) ga juist stressen als we géén geld hebben. Als ik niet weet wat ik ga eten morgen en geen geld heb om iets te kopen dan is de druk toch juist heel hoog om iets te vinden of te regelen? Dan is het juist relaxt om naar de winkel te kunnen gaan om iets te kopen.
Yes! Je slaat de spijker op zijn  kop :) Als je geen geld hebt, dan is het stress, want we hebben niet geleerd om voor onszelf te zorgen. Daardoor is het ook heel stressvol als je mogelijk je baan kwijt gaat raken. Maar wat als je gewoon voor jezelf kunt zorgen en je weet waar je eten vandaan kunt halen? Wat als je weet dat je altijd op de natuur terug kunt vallen? Dan heb je nooit meer stress, want je weet dat je altijd veilig bent. Je kunt altijd voor jezelf zorgen, ook als de staat of het systeem het laat afweten. En de staat laat het heel vaak afweten.
Als je weet hoe je zonder geld kunt leven, dan maakt het niet uit als je je baan kwijtraakt. Zelfs als de supermarkten niks meer op voorraad hebben wegens een crisis, dan maakt dat ook niks uit, want je bent niet meer afhankelijk van de supermarkt.

Ga je nog wel eens naar Nederland? En hoe reis je dan zonder geld?
Ik ben vorig jaar nog eens in Nederland geweest voor een conferentie (de universiteit betaalde mijn reis), maar ik was blij dat het maar voor een paar dagen was. Ik merkte dat ik last kreeg van mijn longen door de vervuilde lucht. Ik denk dat dat was omdat ik het niet meer gewend was. Als je er woont dan merk je het op den duur niet meer. Dat is ook het gevaar van wat we met de natuur doen: we wennen eraan en daardoor lijkt het minder erg dan het is.
Overigens, als ik klaar ben met mijn PhD volgend jaar ben ik van plan nog steeds veel te reizen, maar alleen nog maar (of op z’n minst voornamelijk) lopend, liftend, op de fiets of te paard.

Tips

Kun je een heel beknopt stappenplan maken voor de gemiddelde consumer zoals ik, om meer te besparen / zuiniger te leven? Echt superkort en beknopt de belangrijkste tips om toe te passen in het dagelijks leven.
1.    Dumpster diven is een heel goed begin. Zo is het voor mij ook begonnen. (Een alternatief is 'foragen' (=eten uit de natuur).
2.    Daarna kun je stap voor stap gratis alternatieven vinden voor al je kostenposten. Elke keer dat je geld uitgeeft kun je je afvragen: hoe zou ik in deze behoefte kunnen voorzien zonder geld uit te geven? En dan experimenteren en uitproberen.
3.    Elk alternatief kun je vervolgens ook testen aan de duurzaamheidsfactor. Als het niet duurzamer is dan de doorsnee manier, dan is het misschien ook niet heel waardevol. Je zult zien dat als je de dingen doet die goed zijn voor de aarde, dat dat ook goed is voor jou!

Tot slot hier nog wat links voor meer informatie, met praktische tips over hoe je aan de slag kunt gaan:
Meer over de Stop-Shopping-Challenge, waar alles mee begon:
Meer over Dumpster diving:
Meer over gratis woonruimte:
Meer over de Moneyless Mindset:
Meer over Leven in vrijheid: