Of course, rationally, I can tell myself this is a good thing. After all, it would be much easier to be with someone who wants to share with me what is going on for him, even when this is difficult to do. Situations and feelings can always change, but when things are not working out as you hoped then it's fair to let the other person know so that they can either do something about it or move on with their lives, instead of leaving them hanging - and guessing - for months. So rationally I understand this wasn't such a good match after all. But still, it hurt.
A lot.
I contemplated what it was that made it so difficult for me to let go this time and I realized there were three things:
1. For me, meeting someone who has similar ideas and values and who actually wants to create a similar kind of lifestyle is a rare event. From this it is easy to conclude that perhaps there aren't many people who have similar life goals to mine, but it could also mean that I don't meet enough people and/or that I go to the wrong places to meet them. On top of that - as I wrote in my previous blog post - I move around a lot, which makes it difficult to build and maintain lasting friendships. So it will be important for me to start meeting more like-minded people; not just people who live far away, but also people who live nearby. And the more people I meet, the bigger the chance that some of them will have similar values, goals and dreams.
2. At least some of the time I doubt whether the kind of person I would like to share my life with exists at all (and whether they are within my reach). The first part of this is connected with the previous point: because I believe that I am looking for a rare combination of qualities. But maybe this is just a matter of being in the wrong crowd. Also, I have to remind myself that it is not necessary to find many people like this - just one will do.
3. Another subconscious belief that came to the surface is that sometimes I feel like I am not good enough as I am, or that I somehow have to earn love; that I am not lovable just the way I am. In those moments, I feel like I have to convince others that I am worthy of love. Of course when someone loses interest, it reinforces the story - even though it probably has nothing to do with me.
These realizations finally motivated me to create my First Ever Vision Board to help me focus on shifting these tendencies, and it was SO much fun! I highly recommend it :) You can use a program like Vision Board Builder. I started off with a colorful wallpaper image to get the beautiful background colors, and layered the other images over the top.
Here's a breakdown of my vision board:
LOVE (and friends)
For me, 'practicing life' is about unconditional love, towards myself and others. Universal love goes beyond preferences and all other types of judgments. Love is joy in its purest form. It is a practice; a way of life. 'Issues' that come up in relationships with others can teach me what I haven't realized yet about myself, or show me what I have to let go of.
Love is free: free of attachment and free of demands. Love is connection, sharing and openness. Love is about being myself around others, getting comfortable being uncomfortable for the sake of personal growth. Love is about bringing out the best in each other, and looking for the best in everyone I meet. It is about bringing joy into other people's lives, because I know and support others' deepest wishes and desires and support them as much as I support my own, without the imposition of my own agenda. It is about honest self-expression, and therefore also about listening with compassion when others share their world with me. All of this starts with knowing myself, accepting myself, and loving myself- not superficially, but unconditionally.
Romantic love brings two people together who want to explore the depths of self-growth and unconditional love, and share the best and the worst of life's experiences with each other in order to learn and grow. Together they build a strong bond so that they can take each other to higher/deeper levels, explore all facets of life together and be each other's mirror and inspiration.
TRUST
Without trust there can be no love and without love it is difficult to trust. The trust I am talking about is a fundamental (and therefore unshakable) kind of trust: a deep knowing that whatever will happen is what needs to happen. Moreover, knowing that what happens is always the best possible outcome. Trusting that life will always bring me what I need and even what I ultimately want, even if I don't realize it at the time. And trusting that everything that happens in my life is designed to bring me happiness and freedom. Everything is a gift. So far this has always been true for me - without exceptions. It just takes me a while to realize it sometimes.
PEACE
Inner peace is the absence of stress. When I experience stress, I look to my mind to see what causes it. When I experience peace, I can see that I am connected with truth - in the flow of the present moment without resistance or attachment - free to respond naturally and spontaneously. Even the slightest amount of stress is my wake-up call. Peace is always present inside and stress is always caused by me. That is empowering knowledge. I can choose peace at any time.
CREATIVITY
We are always creating, but what we are creating depends on our inner states. When we have trust, inner peace and an awareness of love, then our creations reflect that. Creation is perhaps one of the most magnificent wonders of life, because it can be a way to shine a light for others, simply by expressing what is true for you in the moment and what is important to you.
In my experience, gratitude is not something that needs direct focus because it results from living in a harmonious and present state of mind. Trying to ‘be grateful’ doesn’t work, because you are trying to get an effect without putting in the required ingredients first (or more precisely: without doing the work that is required to uncover it). It might feel inauthentic or forced. I only included it as a measure for progress. I also included fun and health, because sometimes I particularly forget about those two aspects of my life. It serves to remind me to check whether I am eating healthy foods and whether I am making time to play and have fun. It is important not to take yourself too seriously at least some of the time.
The picture in the center of the board is one of my favorite pictures of me because it represents all of the aspects that are important to me in one single image. I added the Tarot card on Wednesday when I did a past-present-future spread which gave me the 10 of cups as my card for the future. That happens to be one of my favorite Tarot cards and it fits very well with the themes on the vision board.
If you have a vision board as well, I would love to see yours!
OR 